IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

University students often focus on one subject. However, some people think that universities sholud encourage students to learn a range of other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, university
students
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 are
morelikely
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more likely
 to focus on
particular
Add an article
a particular
show examples
subject
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. But, from
others
Add a comma
others,
show examples
 opinion universities must encourage
students
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 to grab knowledge of various subjects
along with
Linking Words
 that
one
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 particular
subject
Use synonyms
. I have
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
 view on
this
Linking Words
 statement. My viewpoint is justified in the ensuing paragraphs. On
one
Use synonyms
 side,
consentrating
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concentrating
 on
single
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a single
show examples
subject
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 can be
beneifitical
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beneficial
 as that will give
deeper
Add an article
a deeper
show examples
 understanding of that
subject
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 and can be helpful for
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 perspective in that field of
subject
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.
For instance
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, In
england
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England
show examples
,
research
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the research
show examples
 mentioned that 70% of
students
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 doing major in an individual
subject
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 are likely to get more success than
students
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 doing
overall
Linking Words
 studies of all subjects
comparetively
Correct your spelling
comparatively
. On the flip side,
students
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 pursuing studies in more than
one
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subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
 are rounded.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they
are consider
Change the verb form
are considered
show examples
 more helpful and advantageous to
economy
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the economy
show examples
. To explain, as they have
overall
Linking Words
knowldege
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knowledge
 of
other
Change the wording
another subject
other subjects
show examples
subject
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 ,they can use
thier
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their
 skills in their job and will be considered as assets to the company or the business. To provide an example,
pupil
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a pupil
show examples
 working in
medical
Correct article usage
a medical
show examples
 store
requires
Wrong verb form
is required
show examples
 to do some accounting
due to
Linking Words
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of
accounting
Correct article usage
an accounting
show examples
 clerk not
able
Add a missing verb
being able
show examples
 to come
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work because of
emergency
Correct article usage
an emergency
show examples
. In that situation,the medical person can figure out the
calcuation
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calculation
calculations
 for that time.
Thus
Linking Words
, the company doesn't really
needs
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need
show examples
 someone to cover for the accounting clerk.
To Conclude
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, it has its own pros and cons
wether
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whether
show examples
students
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 are focusing on
one
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subject
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 or more than
one
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subject
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, it all depends on the
further
Linking Words
 need of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 demanding for
type
Add an article
the type
a type
show examples
 of generation.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of your perspective, but ensure to present your argument more clearly. Make it explicit whether you lean towards one side or maintain a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
There are some spelling errors (e.g., 'morelikely', 'consentrating', 'beneifitical', 'knowldege', 'thier', 'calcuation'). Proofreading your work can help eliminate these mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a main point, but consider using clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments. Also, use linking words to improve the flow between ideas.
task achievement
In your conclusion, reiterating your viewpoint clearly would help strengthen your overall argument and ensure that the reader understands your stance.
task achievement
You express a balanced view on the topic, acknowledging both sides of the argument. This is a strong approach that can enhance your essay's depth and complexity.
task achievement
Your use of examples makes your points more relatable and demonstrates practical applications of your arguments, which enriches the overall discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded individuals
  • adapt to a changing job market
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • diverse fields
  • creativity and innovation
  • multiple domains
  • broader perspective
  • enhance employability
  • cultural awareness
  • social responsibility
  • informed global citizens
  • specializing
  • deeper knowledge and expertise
  • highly technical fields
  • balanced curriculum
  • reduce burnout
  • increase student engagement
  • monotony
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