IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

“some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids”. Discuss both views and give your opinion.owadays

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It has become an important topic of discussion nowadays where a few parents believe
childcare
Use synonyms
 centres are good for the growth of
kids
Use synonyms
whereas
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 others think
grandparents
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 are the best option. Both viewpoints are correct as they have specific pros and cons,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 I believe children should stay with their
grandparents
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 at early years of their
age
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.   On the one side,
Correct pronoun usage
I nodoubt
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nodoubt kindergarden
Correct your spelling
doubt kindergarten
 or
childcare
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 centres
provides
Change the verb form
provide
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 great facilities to
kids
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 which may them to develop not only physically but
also
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 mentally.To be more precise,
kindergardens
Correct your spelling
kindergarteners
 are
such
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 places where
Use synonyms
child
Correct article usage
a child
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use to spend
Verb problem
spends
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 time with peers of his
age
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 and
learn
Correct subject-verb agreement
learns
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 basic
etiquettes
Fix the agreement mistake
etiquette
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 as teachers play a vital role in
this
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 case.
Moreover
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, nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childcare
Use synonyms
 centres enable
kids
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 to stay focused on their studies from the
intitial
Correct your spelling
initial
 years of their
age
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 which may help the
child
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further
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.
Hence
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,it is the best service for
kids
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 to develop social skills
along with
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 strong ethical commitment.  
On the other hand
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,Is the company of
grandparents
Use synonyms
 is good for
Use synonyms
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
? Certainly, elders are the best advice
giver
Fix the agreement mistake
givers
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society because they are experienced persons. To elaborate,
kids
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 staying with
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 are more responsible and practical in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
For example
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,
thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
,mostly both the parents are working and the responsibility of
good
Correct article usage
the good
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 upbringing of a
child
Use synonyms
holds
Verb problem
is
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 in the hands of
grandparents
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, who usually
fulfils
Change the verb form
fulfil
show examples
 the needs and wants of their grandchild
succeesfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
. Eventually, the more time
kids
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 spend with elders there are more chances of becoming
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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.   In my opinion,elders are the best option to take care of
Use synonyms
child
Add an article
a child
the child
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 of preschool
age
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 as compared to
childcare
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 homes where there
are
Change the verb form
is
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of students and there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 chances of giving clear instructions to each
child
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 but with
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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a
Remove the article
apply
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complete care will be given to kid which may enable
Use synonyms
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 to become more happy and confident.  
To conclude
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,
although
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 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parties are good
in
Change preposition
at
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 nurturing
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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I believe
grandparents
Use synonyms
 will be the best option as they are experienced and provide the best advice to
Use synonyms
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 which may help the kid to strengthen his/her skills and knowledge.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas by structuring your paragraphs more cohesively and ensuring each paragraph addresses a single main point effectively. For instance, clearly distinguish between the benefits of childcare centers and the advantages of being cared for by grandparents within your body paragraphs.
grammar
Avoid grammatical errors and typos that can distract the reader. For example, correct 'nodoubt' to 'no doubt' and 'kindergarden' to 'kindergarten', and ensure consistency in verb tenses.
task response
Use a more formal tone and academic vocabulary when discussing ideas. Phrases like 'in my opinion' can be replaced with 'I believe' to enhance the formality of your writing.
task response
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This could strengthen your position and show deeper understanding of the topic. For example, you could mention studies or statistics related to child development in both settings.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument clearly, which demonstrates an understanding of the task and shows balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and reiterates the key points made in the essay, providing a satisfying closure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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