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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph show the percentage of 18-25 year olds in universities in four different countries.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph show the percentage of 18-25 year olds in universities in four different countries.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The presented line graph illustrates the proportion of the
people
Use synonyms
 in the 18-25
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Group from 1961 to 2011 in universities in
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different countries.
Regarding the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who are in the
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
range of 18 to 25 in Malaysia increased quickly from 2,5% to 10% in 1
decades
Change to a singular noun
decade
show examples
. The data go up from 10% to 15% between 1971 and 1991. The
figure
Use synonyms
remain
Change the verb form
remains
show examples
 the same between 1991 and 2011. In terms of the percentages of the
people
Use synonyms
 at the age of 18-25 in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 stable between 1961 and 1971 .
This
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
grow
Change the verb form
grows
show examples
 from 6% to 10% for 10
years
Use synonyms
 .
Then
Linking Words
 it
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
raised
rises
 slowly between 10% to 15%.
This
Linking Words
 value jumped slightly from 15% to 20% during a
period
Use synonyms
 of 20
years
Use synonyms
 The percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 whose age was 18-25 in Thailand decreased from 25% to 20% during the
period
Use synonyms
 between 1961 and 1971.
these
Change the determiner
this figure
these figures
show examples
figure
Use synonyms
 jumped slowly from 20% to 22% during a
period
Use synonyms
 of 10
years
Use synonyms
 .
Then
Linking Words
 there was a little fluctuation and it
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rose
rises
 by more than 40%. The proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 18-25 year olds in Singapore
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
risen
raised
 significantly from 15% to 30% for 10
years
Use synonyms
 . The date declined from 30% to 25% between 1971 and 1981 .
Then
Linking Words
 it rocket rapidly
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 a
period
Use synonyms
 of 10
years
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 down sharply between 37% and 34%
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 10
years
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 it
grow
Change the verb form
grows
show examples
 substantially between 34% and 40%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, figure, years, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "jumped" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rised" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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