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Writing Samples
Band 5

The internet has brought sea change in the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. what are the most serious problems linked to the internet and what solutions can you suggest?

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Over the course of the
last
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 decades, the
internet
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 has dramatically transformed the way someone can share and gain
information
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.
Although
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this
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 phenomenon offers numerous benefits, its drastic downsides,
such
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 as
substantial
Correct article usage
a substantial
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 rise in the amount of misleading
information
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 and mental issues, cannot be neglected.
Therefore
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, some practical measures should be taken so as to reduce the side of heavy
dependent
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dependence
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 on the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 effectively. Admittedly, like every other invention, the
internet
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 has
also
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 brought about some challenges. First and foremost, since all the users have the ability to share on online platforms, namely Instagram and Facebook, a significant part of
these
Correct determiner usage
this
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 data is bound to be inaccurate or even incorrect.
Furthermore
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, over-reliance on acquiring knowledge online
,
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apply
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 has not only affected our critical thinking process
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 has stifled our creativity and imagination. As an illustration, a recent study at Harley University discovered that the attention span in teenagers who are heavy users of the
internet
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,
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apply
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 is far lower than their peers.
Although
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 there are myriad
of
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apply
show examples
steps that can be helpful in addressing these problems, one of the most effective solutions is providing
a
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apply
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well-rounded training for the public so as to reduce the risk of misinformation.
In other words
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,
trainings
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training
pieces of training
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 and courses should be held to aid the users
to distinguish
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in distinguishing
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 which sources are valid.
For instance
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, a program is
broadcasted
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broadcast
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 on Japan’s national television that teaches the best ways of becoming aware of current affairs from various websites without being confused and misled, which is among the most popular TV programs and has a massive audience. In summary,
traditional
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the traditional
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 way of sharing and gaining
information
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 has utterly changed
as a result
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 of
popularity
Add an article
the popularity
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 of the
internet
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.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 reform has created some issues like deceiving and wrong
information
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 and health issues that can be resolved mainly
with
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by
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 educating consumers progressively.

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task achievement
While your introduction presents the topic clearly, try to provide a more specific thesis statement outlining the problems and solutions you will discuss. This gives a clearer roadmap for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to your thesis to enhance coherence. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
language
Be cautious with word choices, such as 'a significant part of these data'—‘data’ is plural, so consider ‘a significant part of this data’ or ‘much of this information’.
coherence and cohesion
Consider linking your ideas more smoothly with transitions; for example, 'Furthermore' can be intensified with a phrase like 'In addition to this issue', to create a stronger flow in your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay effectively covers both problems associated with the internet and offers a practical solution, showing a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as the study from Harley University, which illustrates your points well and adds credibility to your claims.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the need for educational programs, which ties back to your earlier arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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