IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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From my point of view and to some extent, I believe that every human being deserves a noncostable
health
Use synonyms
 care service.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because human life is the most
valuebale
Correct your spelling
valuable
 thing to us and not everyone can afford
health
Use synonyms
 costs. The most
valueable
Correct your spelling
valuable
 thing in everybody's life is their
Use synonyms
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
life
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if you tell someone to be the richest human being ever, and to his dreams to come true and live the dream of his life, yet in
conddtion
Correct your spelling
condition
conditions
 of giving you his eyes or to
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 parts of his body, he certainly going to reject your offer, and the reason of
that is
Linking Words
 very simple
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because his
health
Use synonyms
 is simply priceless. A 2013 research
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Cambridge University shows that people's
prioroty
Correct your spelling
priority
 all over the world is to stay in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
health
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 tells that
this
Linking Words
 aspect of our
Use synonyms
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 is critical.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that not everyone can afford the costs of
health
Use synonyms
 care,
actually
Add a comma
actually,
show examples
medicals
Replace the word
Medical
show examples
 prices sometimes can be extremely high, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 poor people to suffer and maybe
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 eventually.
For example
Linking Words
, many cases like
this
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 happening in Africa where people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lack sources of income
,
Correct word choice
and, therefore
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 can not afford
saving
Change the verb form
to save
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, offering free
health
Use synonyms
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 can clearly prevent those cases
to happen
Change preposition
from happening
show examples
 even if the newest medical treatments might not be available
due to
Linking Words
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 high costs
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, I do agree that
health
Use synonyms
 care might be very costable for many countries around the world,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it is very critical to put human
Use synonyms
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
life
 into their top
considrations
Correct your spelling
considerations
consideration
.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are clearly articulated and logical throughout your essay. Some sentences could be clearer to enhance understanding.
language accuracy
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammar errors, as small inaccuracies can detract from the overall impression of your writing.
task response
Develop your examples further and make sure they are relevant to your argument. This strengthens your points and provides a clearer rationale for your opinions.
task achievement
You have a strong viewpoint and take a clear stance on the topic, which is essential in IELTS essays.
task achievement
You provide relatable examples, such as the comparison of health with wealth, which helps to engage the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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