IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays people prefer to shop in large supermarkets rather than nearly local shops. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or negative trend?

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In recent years, folk tend to purchase in big modern markets rather than traditional shops. The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is visual attractiveness. I believe that it is indicating a negative trend as many retailers are focusing their
products
Use synonyms
 on
visual
Correct article usage
the visual
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 aspect rather than the quality aspect.
Visual
Add an article
The visual
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 aspect of
product
Add an article
the product
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have
Verb problem
is
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 considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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a crucial factor in order to persuade
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
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. It is influencing
sensor
Correct article usage
the sensor
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 system of the brain.
Further
Linking Words
, modern
market
Fix the agreement mistake
markets
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 are displaying extremely attractive goods in their store.
In addition
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,
human
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the human
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 brain is
also
Linking Words
affecting
Wrong verb form
affected
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 by
colours
Correct article usage
the colours
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 that they have perceived.
For instance
Linking Words
, some manufacturers and distributors are designing their
products
Use synonyms
 in mind-triggering colours
such
Linking Words
 as red and yellow.
Thus
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, those actors are investing more money
on
Change preposition
in
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 physical packaging.
Consequently
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, a number of
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
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 and supermarkets are more likely to improve their
Use synonyms
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
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 wrapping than the nutrition. It
have
Change the verb form
has
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 been proven that
such
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 methods bring a lot of profits.
Moreover
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, the margins of
proftability
Correct your spelling
profitability
 can
be decrease
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be decreased
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 as
selled
Correct your spelling
sold
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 stocks
are continue
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continue
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 to grow significantly.
In addition
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,
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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 health can be seriously harmed if
this
Linking Words
 trend
is constantly happen
Change the verb form
is constantly happening
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.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Change the verb form
live
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 in urban areas are most likely to get diabetes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it
gives
Verb problem
takes
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 a toll
for
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 if they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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regularly consume
such
Linking Words
products
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the human's
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human's
Change noun form
human
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 brain
are
Change the verb form
is
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 affected easily by the colour signals that the sensor system have received. It was an inspiration for some retailers and manufacturers to embrace the physical look of their goods. Gradually,
this
Linking Words
 tendency can seriously
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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 well-being in the future.

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taskAchievement
Your essay addresses the prompt, but it's important to provide a clearer distinction of your ideas and reinforce your points with more specific examples.
coherenceCohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion and includes a brief outline of your main points. Additionally, ensure smooth transitions between ideas for better coherence.
taskAchievement
Try to elaborate more on the consequences and implications of your arguments. Providing more context will strengthen your overall argument.
taskAchievement
You have identified the main reasons why people prefer large supermarkets, which shows an understanding of the topic.
coherenceCohesion
You’ve made an important connection between visual appeal and consumer behavior, which is a relevant point.
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