IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people nowadays visit well-known places to take photographs of themselves, without looking at the place. Why do you think this is happening? Is it a positive or a negative trend?

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Lately,
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
are
Verb problem
has
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starting
Wrong verb form
started
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 to visit popular
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 to take
photos
Use synonyms
 of themselves without paying attention to the place. I think the main
reason
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 behind
this
Linking Words
 is to keep these
photos
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 for memories and one more
reason
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 that
this
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 is
due to
Linking Words
 the obsession of sharing our lives on social media platforms. I think it is a negative trend because sometimes you need to lose yourself in the
moment
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 and pay attention to the things around you not just passing around the places and taking
photos
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. The first
reason
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 behind
this
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 happening is to make memories and ensure that we do not forget our amazing activities. I think
that is
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 not a justifiable
reason
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due to
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 the focus on the memory itself not living the
moment
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 which is the most important factor and the main
reason
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 that you came to the place . You never go to a place to make it part of the past, you go to places to live the
moment
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 and enjoy them and focusing too much on taking
photos
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 will not be efficient for you. The other
reason
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 as I said is to make people involved in our lives and
that is
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such
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 a shame to focus on social media platforms. I understand the need for people to show their lives and their activities but posting everything can make you lose the
moment
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.
For instance
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 one of the books that I have read showed that living
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
moment
Use synonyms
 is the best thing you can do for yourself, there is no harm in taking some pictures for sure, but doing it all the time is not ideal for a healthy enjoyable life.
To conclude
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, I think people must focus on the morals of the places and investigate new things and try and feel new things and
this
Linking Words
 is how you make memories. Not walking around with their cameras held high everywhere.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer; clarify that you're discussing a trend and provide a brief overview of your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow within paragraphs and between ideas. Use transitions to link your points more smoothly.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion could summarize your main ideas more effectively, reiterating your stance on the trend.
task achievement
You presented a clear viewpoint regarding the trend being negative, which is well-stated.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both reasons why and the implications of the trend, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Visual content
  • Landmarks
  • Likes and followers
  • Selfie
  • Trophy
  • Validation
  • Accomplishment
  • Technological advancements
  • Smartphone cameras
  • Photography-focused tourism
  • Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
  • Immersing
  • Local economy
  • Cultural significance
  • Backdrops
  • Photographic evidence
  • Overcrowding
  • Wear and tear
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