IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Directors of large organisations receive much higher salaries than ordinary workers. Some think it is necessary, while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Do high
managers
Use synonyms
 deserve higher
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 than low workers
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 I agree that high
employees
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 should receive a higher
salary
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 than others. In
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss why large organisations have high incomes and ordinary
employees
Use synonyms
 have low salaries.
To begin
Linking Words
, Why do high
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 have more money in the
companies
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.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Firstly
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,
companies
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 need to
plans
Wrong verb form
plan
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 for the future,
Therefore
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, They always look for highly
educatedemployees
Correct your spelling
educated employees
educate employees
 in order to create and manage the plan.
Moreover
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, They face many risks in their plans. If the plan has not been successful, owners are going to blame them, not the low employee.
Therefore
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, They deserve
high
Add an article
a high
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salary
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.
For instance
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, Apple
company
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 gives
managers
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 around $1000,000 per year, And now the highest
company
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 value in the world is Apple
company
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 Because they adopted
this
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 strategy. So the experts are the reason for any successful
company
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.
On the other hand
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,
employees
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 in the
companies
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 receive the same amount of money whether high
managers
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 or low workers.
However
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, The low workers do not have responsibility in the
companies
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. They do their duties and carry out what the
managers
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 say.
in contrast
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, large organisations always have a responsibility and create plans and
also
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 they work even if they are at home.
Therefore
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,
companies
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 which follow
this
Linking Words
 strategy are not going to be successful because they pay an equal
salary
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, Spote
company
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 gives all of their
employees
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 the same amount of money,
Therefore
Linking Words
, The high
managers
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 are not motivated to work so it is incurring losses now. In conclusion, I would argue that the expert people who are working in any team
working
Verb problem
apply
show examples
always have the hardest work so they should have the highest income in
companies
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced discussion of both views in the introduction. Clearly outline what the opposing view is before stating your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use more varied sentence structures and link ideas more seamlessly to improve overall coherence.
task achievement
Clarify some of the arguments made, especially regarding the consequences of equal pay for all employees. Strengthen your examples to clearly link them to your points.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue of salary disparities.
task achievement
Use of specific examples like Apple and Spote company adds relevance to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Salary disparities
  • Executive compensation
  • Labor market
  • Corporate hierarchy
  • Performance-based bonuses
  • Shareholder value
  • Economic stratification
  • Income gap
  • Profit reinvestment
  • Employee morale
  • Fiduciary responsibility
  • Corporate governance
  • Economic equity
  • Financial incentives
  • Cost-benefit analysis
  • Minimum wage
  • Living wage
  • Organizational culture
  • Pay scale
  • Compensation package
What to do next:
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