IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is a good thing for senior management positions to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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some folks
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that it is a proper thing for
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 management ranks to have more wages than other
members
Use synonyms
 in a corporation. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as those positions
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 with difficult tasks.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it
involve
Change the verb form
involves
show examples
 a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 and
thinking
Correct article usage
a thinking
show examples
 process.
High level
Add a hyphen
High-level
show examples
 workers are facing several complex missions regularly. Those positions
are dealing
Wrong verb form
deal
show examples
 with
more
Change the word
apply
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wider scopes than other employees which
also
Linking Words
 means that they are sacrificing the most valuable asset that they own,
time
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in some cases, the person who
fit
Correct subject-verb agreement
fits
show examples
such
Linking Words
 requirements is someone who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 passed a long career steps.
For instance
Linking Words
, people who have worked for a long
time
Use synonyms
 in a company are the
members
Use synonyms
 who
also
Linking Words
 deal with several corporation's problems in the past.
Thus
Linking Words
, their dedication is
an evidence
Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
show examples
 that
indicate
Change the verb form
indicates
show examples
 their values for the company.
In addition
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
members
Use synonyms
 allocate more resources and
thougts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
 in order to
leading
Change the verb
lead
show examples
 the team. It
happen
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
 because
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 responsibility
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other workers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 followed their orders.
Moreover
Linking Words
, folks
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 fill
such
Linking Words
 fields have shown
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outstanding quality and match the workplace standards.
For example
Linking Words
, managers in football
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
 are responsible for
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 team,
not to mention
Linking Words
 the hard
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 that they have made.
Hence
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 jobs are not an easy thing to do, at least for some community
members
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
top ranked
Add a hyphen
top-ranked
show examples
 employees are experiencing several hard processes in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
giving
Change the form of the verb
give
show examples
 more
time
Use synonyms
 and
thougts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
thought
 during their period of service in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 workplace.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but could be clearer in stating your position and summarizing your arguments. Consider revising them for clarity.
task achievement
Some points could be more developed, particularly in explaining why higher salaries are justified. Adding examples or further explanation can strengthen your argument.
grammar
Watch out for grammatical errors and punctuation. For instance, "belive" should be "believe" and "thoughts" is misspelled as "thougts". Proofreading can help catch these mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that transitions between ideas are smoother. You can use signposting language to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion on the topic and attempt to support it with relevant points.
task achievement
The examples given, like the reference to football team managers, show an attempt to relate ideas to real-world scenarios.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Senior management
  • Salary disparity
  • Incentives
  • Income inequality
  • Organizational culture
  • Career progression
  • Employee morale
  • Compensation
  • Financial success
  • Decision-making
  • Responsibility
  • Merit
What to do next:
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