IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion, give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
Nowadays, almost 50% of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
begin
Verb problem
apply
show examples
are using
technology
Use synonyms
 and
science
Use synonyms
 to
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 and
sloving
Correct your spelling
solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proplem
Correct your spelling
problems
.
However
Linking Words
, we still need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
Use synonyms
 to
guild
Correct your spelling
guide
show examples
 us and give us more
infromations
Correct your spelling
information
Change preposition
about that
show examples
that
Correct word choice
what
show examples
been
Verb problem
has
show examples
happen
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
 before to improve and learn from them
althought
Correct your spelling
despite
Use synonyms
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
 or
invention
Fix the agreement mistake
inventions
show examples
.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my own opinion
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
Use synonyms
 subject is as important as
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 subjects.
Body · 1
Sometime
Replace the word
Sometimes
show examples
 we need
history
Use synonyms
 to
guild
Correct your spelling
guide
show examples
 us to prevent we make
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same horrible
mistake
Use synonyms
agian
Correct your spelling
again
.
Example
Fix the agreement mistake
Examples
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as covid-19. When that
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
 the world and
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 are in absalutely danger, but because the
history
Use synonyms
 we learned better hygiene
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to keep us self and prevent the same
mistake
Use synonyms
 that happened
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 time ago
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
europe
Change the capitalization
Europe
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
 we can use the
history
Use synonyms
 of
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
knowleage
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 to create the vaccine and
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 to keep people safe.
Body · 2
Second,
Linking Words
the
globe
Replace the word
global
show examples
 warming is
gettting
Correct your spelling
getting
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
.
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
Use synonyms
 we will
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
 spend more time to
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 what
mistake
Use synonyms
 we
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
 to cause it. Because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
Use synonyms
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 us
such
Linking Words
 a
tremandous
Correct your spelling
tremendous
knowleage
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 that can instantly improve and
upgreat
Correct your spelling
upgrade
 using
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 to
slowdown
Correct your spelling
slow down
show examples
 the
globe
Replace the word
global
show examples
 warming. we can use the
history
Use synonyms
knowleage
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 from different
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 to improve our
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
History
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 give you
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of inspiration and
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as you travel around the world and learn the local
history
Use synonyms
when
Change preposition
of when
show examples
 they invented or
builded
Correct your spelling
built
show examples
 the building in
Change the article
a certant
show examples
certant
Correct your spelling
certain
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 because of the geography and what kind of
technology
Use synonyms
 they
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to build.
Conclusion
For
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, all of them
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
extreamly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 important
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 us. without one of
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
 we cannot build
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 beautiful world and people.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states both views before presenting your opinion. Consider rephrasing for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure proper grammar and spelling throughout your essay to enhance its readability.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph should clearly address one main idea or argument. Consider separating the impacts of history more distinctly.
task achievement
Conclude your essay by summarizing the main points clearly, reinforcing your opinion and why both subjects are important.
task achievement
You make a clear argument on the importance of history and provide relevant examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay engages with both sides of the argument, which is important for a discussion type essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • context
  • practical skills
  • appreciation
  • advancements
  • historical events
  • societal issues
  • skills for future jobs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: