IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Water is a natural resource that should be free. The government should ban the sale of bottled water. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that the sale of
water
Use synonyms
 should be banned by
government
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 because the clean
water
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 should be accessible to everybody.
Although
Linking Words
 they say that bottled
water
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 in shops violates human rights, others argue the wide choice of commercial
water
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 meets special needs and must exist. In my opinion, it is important that everybody have
a
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apply
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free access to purified
water
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, but at the same time, they must have an opportunity to choose.
This
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 essay will argue why the banning of the sale of
water
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 should not occur. Fighters for human rights are convinced that each human being needs to have access to safe drinking
water
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 for survival.
Commercial
Change the adjective
Commercially
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 bottled
water
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 contradicts
this
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 concept and should be banned by the
government
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 , especially in countries of the third world. They discuss that the
government
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 is supposed to invest in their own hydraulic infrastructure like public fountains
instead
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 of supporting the commercial ones.
On the other hand
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, the sale of different types of bottled
water
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 leads customers to meet their needs.
In addition
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, it not only does not interfere in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 development of public
water
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 infrastructure
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 can be
the
Correct article usage
a
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 source of
an
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apply
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investment. The standard of quality of
water
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 varies between countries.
For example
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, in Georgia, there is high mineral
water
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 at home which can destroy cookware for a short time and influence taste. So it is the reason, why some people prefer to use commercial
water
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 for cooking
instead
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 of the home one.
Additionally
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, there are a lot of public fountains which are sponsored by popular brands of
water
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. It is an instance of how an alliance between the
government
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 and business may meet the needs of casual people having benefits for both. In conclusion, the essay argued why sellers of
water
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 may provide society with more profits
,
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apply
show examples
 if they are not banned. It concerns the right of choice and opportunities for mutually beneficial deals. In my opinion, in the modern capitalist world, the
government
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 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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welcome
to
Change preposition
apply
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commercial partners
instead
Linking Words
 of banning them.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define your position in the introduction and maintain it throughout the essay. While you presented both sides, your stance could be more strongly emphasized.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow between your paragraphs. Some ideas could be more connected to improve cohesion and clarity, ensuring each paragraph clearly supports your main argument.
task achievement
Use specific examples more effectively. You mentioned Georgia's mineral water, but explaining it further or adding more relevant examples could strengthen your argument.
content
The essay presents a clear opinion on the issue, which is important for task achievement.
structure
You provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is a positive aspect of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • natural resource
  • basic human right
  • public health
  • environmental impact
  • plastic pollution
  • infrastructure
  • clean drinking water
  • reusable bottles
  • waste reduction
  • access
  • convenience
  • refill stations
  • public water fountains
  • pricing system
  • conservation
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