IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their freetime. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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There is no denying the fact
thatSome
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that some
people
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some people
show examples
 say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their
freetime
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free time
. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.
While
Linking Words
 It is a
cthere
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there
 is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I
considommonly
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cons commonly
 held
belief
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the belief
show examples
 that kids should be supervised unless they are able to support themselves.er that I like living in big cities because it is more fun and luxurious.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly present both sides of the argument. Additionally, make sure to outline your own opinion explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve your logical structure by ensuring each paragraph discusses a single main idea clearly related to the topic.
Task Achievement
It's important to provide specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific organized activities or examples of how children benefit from independence.
Content
You raised a topic that is relevant and engaging, showcasing your awareness of current discussions surrounding child development.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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