IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it's a good idea to socialize with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that we should spend leisure time on weekends or in
evenings
Correct article usage
the evenings
show examples
 with teammates,
while
Linking Words
 some argue that working life should be totally
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
separate
 from personal life.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I believe that socialization is a better way as it enhances working productivity. On the one hand, many think that spending time with colleagues outside an office helps strengthen relationships among them, leading to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher quality of
work
Use synonyms
. Because many companies require their employees to
work
Use synonyms
 as a team, teamwork can be developed by knowing
preferences
Correct article usage
the preferences
show examples
 of others and understanding personal motivations.
According to
Linking Words
 the famous concept 'put the right man into the right job', without
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 deep understanding of team
members
Use synonyms
' motivation, workers cannot follow that concept, causing unproductive
work
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if leaders know that their
members
Use synonyms
 are interested in travelling abroad, they should match those
members
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 an international project.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some might argue that individuals should keep their private lives from working lives because they will lose their privacy and trust, which probably
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to lower respect, especially if they are bosses. People normally
work
Use synonyms
 in hierarchy systems forcing them to pay respect to their leaders.
Therefore
Linking Words
, several leaders display only a set of characters they set and hide some aspects since they are afraid that their reporters might be disappointed with some parts of them, resulting in inefficiency.
For instance
Linking Words
, if bosses were drunk and showed some embarrassing characters during a party, their
members
Use synonyms
 might not obey them anymore, causing incomplete tasks and lower
work
Use synonyms
 productivity.
Although
Linking Words
 some might be afraid that they will lose their personal life, people generally prioritize the quality of
work
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, in my opinion, it is better to build stronger relationships with colleagues because
this
Linking Words
 can increase
overall
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
producivity
Correct your spelling
productivity
 and enhance
overall
Linking Words
 working experience. In conclusion, it is thought that workers should engage in social activities with their teammates during weekends or evenings,
while
Linking Words
 many argue that they should not. I still believe that
socialize
Wrong verb form
socialising
show examples
 with colleagues benefits directly
overall
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 productivity and experience.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by providing a clearer overview of the two perspectives before stating your opinion. A more explicit thesis statement can improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the cohesion of your essay by using more varied linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. This will help to improve the logical flow of an argument.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could elaborate on the benefits of socializing by giving a detailed example of a workplace scenario where this led to success.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by discussing both perspectives before presenting your opinion, which is a strong feature.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your paragraphs is clear, with each addressing different aspects of the argument, making it easy for the reader to follow your reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • professional boundaries
  • team-building activities
  • mental health
  • cohesive work environment
  • personal development
  • workplace relationships
  • informal networking
  • job satisfaction
  • clear boundaries
  • personal well-being
  • common goals
  • burnout prevention
  • sense of belonging
  • achieving balance
  • privacy maintenance
  • career benefits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: