IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The natural resources such as oil, forests and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problem does it cause? How can we solve these problems?

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 are using natural
resources
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 overwhelmingly, and that
brings
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a negative impact. Some
resources
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,
such
Linking Words
 as
oil
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,
forests
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, and
fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
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water
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, are in a critical situation. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the main problems of
this
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issue
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 and provide some suggestions to solve the
issue
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.
To begin
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 with, the demand for
oil
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 has increased dramatically each year.
This
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 matter happens because of
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 demand for fuel. The
growth
Replace the word
growing
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 number of vehicles becomes the primary reason for
this
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issue
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. The number of
oil
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 consumers
brings
Verb problem
has
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 negative impact
of
Change preposition
on
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 the
oil
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resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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.
Furthermore
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, the situation will
keep continuing
Wrong verb form
continue
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 to the worst case. If we cannot handle
this
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 wisely.
Moreover
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, deforestation
also
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 brings another negative impact to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
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 forest
resources
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. We need
forests
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 to have
excellent quality
Add a hyphen
excellent-quality
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of
Change preposition
apply
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oxygen.
Forests
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also
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 help to absorb carbon monoxide and to prevent global warming. Without a lack of
forests
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, we are going to face the worst case of global warming and flooding cases in the future.
In addition
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, the consumption of freshwater
also
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 needs to be maintained. The consumer of freshwater is divided into two types:
first,
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people
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 who
overused
Wrong verb form
overuse
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 the
water
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 and the other
people
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 who lack
water
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.
People
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 who live in rich countries can use freshwater as much as they want.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 in Africa cannot even have drinkable
water
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 for daily use. In order to address
this
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issue
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. The government can make some of the implementations to solve
this
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issue
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.
For instance
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, by imposing some strict regulations on all companies that are involved in
this
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 field.
Also
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,
give
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 punishment if they betray the regulations. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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natural
resources
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such
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 as
oil
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,
freshwater
Correct your spelling
fresh water
show examples
, and
forests
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 are very essential for us to live. As a human being, we need to protect the amount of our natural
resources
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 by using it wisely.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the issues to be discussed, but try to refine it to be more impactful. Consider rephrasing for clarity. Aim to make your thesis statement stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next one. Using linking words or phrases can enhance the flow of ideas significantly.
task achievement
While you mentioned the problems associated with resource consumption well, elaborating on the solutions in greater detail would strengthen your argument. Consider discussing specific examples of successful implementations in other countries.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and vary your vocabulary for a more engaging read.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the issues related to natural resource consumption, which shows good knowledge of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay includes a relevant conclusion that restates the importance of protecting natural resources, which is a good practice for summarizing your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • non-renewable resources
  • economic instability
  • water shortages
  • agricultural production
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • global warming
  • sustainable management
  • conservation
  • alternative energy
  • afforestation
  • reforestation
  • water conservation
  • responsible consumption
What to do next:
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