IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some think that people should not change their jobs while others think they should because it brings advantages for themselves, companies and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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The debate over whether changing jobs for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 individuals
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
 them,
While
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 some argue they should stick to the old ones.
This
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 essay will examine both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views before offering a
pesonal
Correct your spelling
personal
prepective
Correct your spelling
perspective
.
To begin
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 with, changing a
job
Use synonyms
 to
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
comany
Correct your spelling
company
 could be challenging for some employees, as they get comfort in that zone and
therefore
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could
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not able to build new skills.
Moreover
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, they believe that staying with the same firm will benefit them in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term.
For instance
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, if a person works for more than several years,
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 promoted to senior level, where they find
themelves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 more comfortable.
On the other hand
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, individuals who switch
thier
Correct your spelling
their
job
Use synonyms
 frequently
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to find more skills in their
work space
Correct your spelling
workspace
show examples
 and
therefore
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, their performance
stand
Correct subject-verb agreement
stands
show examples
 out compared to others.
Additionally
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, they are more benefited in terms of wages and promotions.
For example
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, if an employee has
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
sevral
Correct your spelling
several
 organisations, could be
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for the current
comany
Correct your spelling
company
 and may
also
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 bring his own personal experience,
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 probably
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 the firm. In my opinion, I believe, switching jobs is most crucial for each person to be noticeable among others in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 world.
Furthermore
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, it helps to gain vast knowledge
while
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 working for different companies.
To sum up
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,
while
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 for some people it might be difficult to change their
job
Use synonyms
 as they
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
 fit into the required position or they are joyful working
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 kind of
job
Use synonyms
,
However
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, frequently switching
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 has more
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 in the real world to grow in the life.

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task achievement
Improve clarity by refining the thesis statement in the introduction to better outline your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Work on transitioning between ideas more smoothly to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on examples to provide a deeper insight into the points you are making.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and ends with a personal opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
task achievement
The use of examples, although needing further development, shows an attempt to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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