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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crimes” Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that the primary goal of prisons is to rehabilitate offenders and reduce
crime
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.
While
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 some argue that increasing
prison
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sentences
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 is an effective deterrent to
crime
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, others believe that long-term incarceration fails to address the root causes of criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before concluding with my own viewpoint. On the one hand, harsher and longer
prison
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sentences
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 are often seen as a means of deterring
crime
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 and protecting society. By keeping offenders incarcerated for extended periods,
governments
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 can ensure public safety by preventing repeat
offenses
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offences
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.
Moreover
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, the fear of severe punishment may discourage individuals from engaging in criminal activities in the first place.
For instance
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, countries with strict sentencing policies,
such
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 as Singapore, tend to have lower
crime
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rates
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 compared to nations with more lenient penal systems.
However
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,
while
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 increased incarceration may temporarily reduce
crime
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rates
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, it does not necessarily lead to
rehabilitation
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, as prisoners often become more deeply involved in criminal networks within the
prison
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 system.
On the other hand
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, simply increasing
prison
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sentences
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 without addressing the underlying causes of
crime
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 can be counterproductive. Many offenders resort to
crime
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due to
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 factors
such
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 as poverty, lack of education, and unemployment. Without targeted
rehabilitation
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 programs, inmates are likely to
reoffend
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re-offend
 upon release, perpetuating the cycle of
crime
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.
Instead
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 of focusing solely on punitive measures,
governments
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 should invest in skill development, vocational training, and psychological
counseling
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counselling
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 for prisoners.
For example
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, Norway’s
prison
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 system emphasizes
rehabilitation
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 by providing inmates with education and work opportunities, leading to one of the lowest recidivism
rates
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 in the world.
This
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 approach not only benefits former prisoners but
also
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 reduces the financial burden on
governments
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 by lowering reoffense
rates
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. In conclusion,
while
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 longer
prison
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sentences
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 may serve as a short-term deterrent to
crime
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, they are not a sustainable solution. A more effective approach would be to combine incarceration with
rehabilitation
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 programs that equip inmates with the skills and mindset needed to reintegrate into society. By shifting the focus from punishment to reformation,
governments
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 can achieve long-term reductions in
crime
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while
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also
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 benefiting the economy and society as a whole.

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task achievement
Consider adding more explicit examples to support some of your points, especially in the first body paragraph, to enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly introduces its main idea at the start, which can strengthen the flow and make each point stand out more clearly.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and balanced discussion of both views on crime reduction, which demonstrates good task understanding.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, was well executed, contributing to overall coherence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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