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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows what History graduates did after completing their undergradudate degree course from a university in the UK. The table shows the sectors these graduates were employed in within six years of graduating and their average incomes. Umar

The chart below shows what History graduates did after completing their undergradudate degree course from a university in the UK. The table shows the sectors these graduates were employed in within six years of graduating and their average incomes. Umar
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The pie chart illustrates the percentage of graduates’ after their undergraduate course
in
Change preposition
at
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 the
university
Capitalize word
University
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 of the UK. The table represents the sectors,which show the types of work they did,during 6 years after their graduating and their average.
Overall
Linking Words
,the most of students were employed for full-time
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the table , the history teacher was in the highest demand. 56% of alumni had
whole day
Add a hyphen
whole-day
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 jobs. The full postgrad worked to the 7% ,
on the other hand
Linking Words
 ,the half time postgrad education 4%.Exactly 15% of previous graduates
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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spent only part of their day
on
Change preposition
apply
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working.During 6 years, 12%of inhabitants were unemployed.6% of
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 people were unknown. The highest percentage of people who
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
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 the
works
Use synonyms
 were history
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 and
solicitor
Fix the agreement mistake
solicitors
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,together showing 48% and
Archaeologist
Fix the agreement mistake
Archaeologists
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 represented 6%
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
historian
Fix the agreement mistake
historians
show examples
9
Change preposition
at 9
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%
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 who
Use synonyms
works
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 on
another jobs
Replace the adjective
another job
other jobs
show examples
37
Change preposition
at 37
show examples
%.The
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 income
has
Wrong verb form
was for
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solicitor
Fix the agreement mistake
solicitors
show examples
 57,000 and
Change preposition
for historian
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historian
Fix the agreement mistake
historians
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 49,000
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
Use synonyms
works
Replace the word
workers
show examples
 had almost
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar income not above
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
32,000

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words works with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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