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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

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The importance of buying a large number of
toys
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 which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial
while
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 others reject
this
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 notion. The substantial influence of
this
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trend
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 has sparked
the
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controversy over
this
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 potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, buying many
toys
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 for
children
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 is not good.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate on both
positive
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the positive
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 and negative effects of
this
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trend
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 and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. There are myriad
of
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reasons which will
further
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 explain
this
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 argument but the most preponderant one stems from the fact that the concepts of
toys
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 have a very important role in
children
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’s lives. It contributes to the development of cognitive, psychological, and emotional skills. Another pivotal aspect of
this
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 argument is that there are many educational
toys
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 which will help their brain
more
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strengthen at an early childhood age.
However
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, there are some pitfalls that negate these arguments, and which can certainly overwhelm the potential influence of
this
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trend
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 but one of the most alarming ones is that
children
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 with fewer
toys
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 learn how to develop interpersonal relationships with other
children
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 and adults.
Besides
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, when there are many
toys
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, they will naturally less care of them. They will not learn the value of
toys
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 if there is always a replacement ready for them.
Hence
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, it is apparent why many are against
this
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trend
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.
According to
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 the argument aforementioned above, one can reach to conclusion that the drawbacks of buying a large number of
toys
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 for
children
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 are dire to ignore.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer regarding the position taken. Instead of stating that buying many toys is "not good," specify what the negative impacts are right in the thesis. This would set a clearer expectation for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly relates back to the central argument. The transition between points could be improved to enhance flow. For example, using linking phrases between sentences or paragraphs could help readers follow your argument better.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or studies that illustrate how toys influence development or interpersonal skills. This would strengthen your arguments and provide more relevant information to the reader.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, providing a balanced view, which is a strong approach for this type of task.
task achievement
The inclusion of cognitive, psychological, and emotional aspects of toy play shows a good understanding of child development implications, which is insightful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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