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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graphs display the most common reasons for working remotely and how much time they worked per week in 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the chart male and female employers prefer working from home to save money.
However
Linking Words
,
Males
Use synonyms
 worked more than
females
Use synonyms
 per week. At the top of the table, people prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 remotely to save money and the proportion of
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 is 45% and 42%, respectively. For
males
Use synonyms
, they think they were more productive by 24% more than
females
Use synonyms
 which they almost 11%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
females
Use synonyms
 feel it
easier
Add a missing verb
is easier
show examples
care
Fix the infinitive
to care
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their children when they are at home with 26%
whereas
Linking Words
 men by 4%.
last
Linking Words
 but not least, men who
work
Use synonyms
 over 30 hours per week 81% more than women by 6%.
Linking Words
by
Capitalize word
By
show examples
 contrast, women
work
Use synonyms
 under 10 hours more than men by 74% but
males
Use synonyms
 3%. They both
work
Use synonyms
 10 to 30 hours
similarly
Linking Words
 22% and 16%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, females, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • commute
  • flexible schedule
  • family responsibilities
  • gender roles
  • professional duties
  • societal trends
  • economic responsibility
  • home-working hours
  • traditional roles
  • male-dominated industries
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