IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods others argue that customers should avoid buying goodswith a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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While
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 it is said that suppliers have a duty to make lighter packages for products, many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that buyers should
also
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 change their behaviours to contribute to that environmental
misison
Correct your spelling
mission
. I agree with the first opinion more than the second one because consumers' decisions are driven by prices. Sellers should be primarily responsible for creating a greener packaging process because they can upgrade their products.
In other words
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, when manufacturers invest more in research and development for goods, they can extend expiry dates enough to be maintained usable in fewer outside layers.
For instance
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, Ben Tre coconut candies have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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evolved to be longer for consumption and more sticky, which can only be surrounded by thin rice papers
instead
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 of plastic layers.
Hence
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, that food is not only more sustainable but
also
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 more delicious with edible rice papers.
In contrast
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, many
people
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 argue that customers should
also
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 purchase fewer over-packaged goods to influence the supply market. In recognition of
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
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 consumption level of some specific products, their producers might ask the packagers to find more environmentally friendly alternatives.
However
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,
this
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 solution might force buyers who provoke sustainability to lose their power in the market. Since it is impossible to educate every person to refuse to use plastic bottles for drinks,
people
Use synonyms
 who follow it need to pay
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 price than those who do not. In the end,
this
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 does not play a vital role in changing how factories and supermarkets pack goods. In conclusion, providers should take
higher
Correct word choice
more
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 responsibility in lightening the packing process than consumers. If some
people
Use synonyms
 ask for a change but not every buyer follows, they are going to gain price drawbacks.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the two views you will discuss. This provides clarity and sets the reader's expectations.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting points are related to that idea. Some points in your body paragraphs could be better developed for clarity.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced view by acknowledging the strengths of the opposing argument more thoroughly, which can increase the depth of your discussion.
task achievement
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes the key points discussed in the essay. It should encapsulate your opinion clearly and could be strengthened by briefly reiterating the main arguments.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, demonstrating your stance effectively throughout the discussion.
relevant specific examples
You provided a specific example (Ben Tre coconut candies) that supports your argument and adds credibility to your claims.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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