IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Describe the information below and discuss the implications for dental health. » Acid level in mouth from consumption of sugar/honey

The line graph illustrates the consumption of
sweetners
Correct your spelling
sweeteners
 and how the
pH
Use synonyms
 level of the oral cavity changes over
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 after consuming these. A
pH
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 below 5.5 increases the chance of tooth decay.
Overall
Linking Words
, cane
sugar
Use synonyms
 causes the most
signifcant
Correct your spelling
significant
 drop in
pH
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 and
making
Wrong verb form
makes
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 it harmful
for
Change preposition
to
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 teeth.
Whereas
Linking Words
, honey has the mildest decline in
pH
Use synonyms
 level and quickly recovers to neutral
pH
Use synonyms
. It is seen from the graph that
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
pH
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 is 7 and after consumption of cane
sugar
Use synonyms
 decreases to 3.5 within 5
minutes
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, remains at
this
Linking Words
 for about 30
minutes
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 which is the highest risk for tooth decay. Fruit
sugar
Use synonyms
 lowers the
pH
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, it reduces to 4.3 after 5
minutes
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 and
staying
Wrong verb form
stays
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 below 5.5 for about 20
minutes
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, honey causes a gentler decline to 4.7 and
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
show examples
 in the danger zone only for 13
minutes
Use synonyms
 before the
pH
Use synonyms
 rises back to above 5.5. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 all sweet substances
Use synonyms
pH
Add a missing verb
have pH
show examples
 levels and can harm teeth, cane
sugar
Use synonyms
 has the most detrimental effect, and honey is the least damaging

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task achievement
Consider providing a more comprehensive overall summary that encapsulates the key findings more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly separates the discussion of different sweeteners to improve clarity and coherence. You may consider having separate paragraphs for each sweetener.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more explicitly to enhance the logical flow, such as using transition phrases or connecting words when moving from one point to another.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific data regarding the pH levels, which supports your arguments well.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the main focus of the analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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