IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors to take part in major competitions such as Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people say that it would be better to spend this money encouraging children to take up sports from a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 often
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
that
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
 to use the
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 improve
sports
Use synonyms
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 thought the government should
be give
Change the verb form
be given
show examples
 more
money
Use synonyms
 to take part in major competitions.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
people
Use synonyms
 don't support it, they think countries should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
take funding to
encouraging
Change the verb form
encourage
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to enjoy
sports
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I agree
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 countries spend more
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
children
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the future of the country.
The
Correct article usage
Sports
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 stars always have an innate, and they were found
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in childhood. Some
children
Use synonyms
 have a good innate but their parents have enough
money
Use synonyms
 to support them, and
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 haven't a good environment to excise. If government take the
money
Use synonyms
 to help them, they can have a good development in the future. And, if a
sports
Use synonyms
 star who can
representative
Replace the word
represent
show examples
 a country
are became
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 famous in the world, he
also
Linking Words
 can make the
people
Use synonyms
 spark passion and
put
Verb problem
promote
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 social development.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the costs
in encourage
Change preposition
of encouraging
show examples
children
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 can help them improve
body
Correct pronoun usage
their body
show examples
 health. In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world, young
people
Use synonyms
 always like to play
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 or mobile. They don't want to go
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
outside and their body will be bad. If
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can pay more
money
Use synonyms
 to install
sports
Use synonyms
 equipment or provide some funny
sports
Use synonyms
 place. The
children
Use synonyms
 can change their attention to
Correct article usage
the
show examples
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
 and do more
excise
Replace the word
exercise
show examples
. At the same time, their parents can attend it together. It's a good way to
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
 the
sports
Use synonyms
 economy. We
also
Linking Words
 need to learn that
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 part in a big competition can help
people
Use synonyms
 more
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in
sports
Use synonyms
, and it
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
good way to transport the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 culture. But in my view， I
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
support
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 more to the young
people
Use synonyms
 and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 a good
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction could be clearer. Make sure to clearly state your position on the topic and briefly outline your main points. For instance, explicitly mention that you agree with the idea of investing in youth sports programs.
coherence and cohesion
In your paragraphs, aim for clearer topic sentences that outline what each paragraph will discuss. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Watch out for grammatical errors and sentence structure issues. For instance, 'the children is' should be 'children are', and 'take funding to encouraging' should be 'funding to encourage'. These small mistakes can distract from your overall message.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention successful youth sports programs in specific countries that have shown to benefit both young athletes and society.
task achievement
You present a balanced argument by acknowledging both perspectives on the topic.
task achievement
Your passion for investing in youth sports is clear, which helps engage the reader.
supported main points
You highlight the importance of health and social development through sports, which adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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