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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for changes to the school site in 2024. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for changes to the school site in 2024. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given
diagram
Use synonyms
 demonstrates transformation over a
20 year
Add a hyphen
20-year
show examples
 period.
Overall
Linking Words
 ,looking at the
diagram
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
can be seen many changes over the years .
Such
Linking Words
 as the expansion of the zone ,the construction of new
buildings
Use synonyms
 and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in the
number
Use synonyms
 of students. In the first
diagram
Use synonyms
 from 2004 , can be seen that the zone was smaller compared
2024
Change preposition
to 2024
show examples
 .
In two
Change preposition
Two
show examples
 schools together had a total of 600 students.In the first
diagram
Use synonyms
 more
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 for trees ,with only two
schools
Change the noun form
school
show examples
buildings
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Correct article usage
a sports
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field
Use synonyms
 ,
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 path to the
field
Use synonyms
 and one park nearby . In the second
diagram
Use synonyms
 from 2024 , the transformation
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 evident .Most clearly the
number
Use synonyms
 of students has significantly increased ,
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 1000.Because of which were contraction these
buildings
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
instead
Linking Words
 sports
field
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 erected
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 school school
number
Use synonyms
 3 and a nearby car park
number
Use synonyms
 2 .The sports
field
Use synonyms
 can be seen the first and second
buildings
Use synonyms
 were connected among themselves,because of which reduced the path .

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words diagram, buildings, number, field with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • layout
  • facility
  • infrastructure
  • main building
  • green area
  • sports hall
  • library
  • expanded
  • recreational activities
  • structural improvements
  • accommodate
  • enrollment
  • renovation
  • development
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