IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many people today work long hours, leaving them with little time for leisure activities. Why ia this happened? What problem does it cause?

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With the increasing financial pressure, many
people
Use synonyms
 today work excessively long hours, leaving little
time
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 for personal activities.
This
Linking Words
 trend can have serious consequences,
such
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 as deteriorating mental
health
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 and weaker family
relationships
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. It is essential to know that
people
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 nowadays
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 overtime
due to
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high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 cost of living.
That is
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 to say, despite the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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, the salary which workers gain still
unchange
Correct your spelling
changes
 over the year. These factors make
people
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 work harder to earn more money to pay and maintain their life quality.
Thus
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, their
health
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 will be
harm
Wrong verb form
harmed
show examples
 and there is no
time
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 for building family
relationships
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. Overworking can
cause
Verb problem
have
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 negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 mental
health
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.
In other words
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, with
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
time
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 working which leads to no
time
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 to relax,
combining
Wrong verb form
combined
show examples
 with financial pressure, stress is unavoidable.
As a result
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,
people
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 often meet psychological problems
such
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 as depression or similar diseases. Another harmful impact of overworking
is devastate
Change the verb form
is devastated
is devastating
show examples
 family
ralationships
Correct your spelling
relationships
. After long work hours, individuals are often
metally
Correct your spelling
mentally
show examples
as well as
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 physically drained,
thus
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 they will not have
time
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 or energy to participate in family activities.
Therefore
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, family
relationships
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 can not be formed causing
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
interacting
Replace the word
interaction
show examples
 between parents and their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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. In conclusion, overworking is
causing
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 by the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 pressure, leading to not only mental
health
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 problems
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 devastating family
relationships
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your introduction and conclusion outline the topic well, but consider providing a clearer thesis statement that explicitly states the problems caused by long working hours.
coherence and cohesion
Some phrases could be clearer; for example, rephrase 'living cost' as 'cost of living' for accuracy. Also, consider improving the flow by using linking words between ideas.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to illustrate your points more vividly. For instance, citing statistical data or studies about mental health impacts could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with spelling, such as 'devastate' (should be 'devastating') and 'ralationships' (should be 'relationships'). Minor errors don't drastically affect the score, but they can accumulate.
task achievement
You raised relevant points about the impact of long working hours on mental health and family relationships which showcases your understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay generally has a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easier for readers to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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