There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many

people

Use synonyms

in the world think that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it is worst when young

people

Use synonyms

study physical

education

Use synonyms

and

cookery

Use synonyms

. Those

people

Use synonyms

think the

children

Use synonyms

concentrate on academic work in his/her whole life.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, all

Change preposition

show examples

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

subjects

Use synonyms

must be removed.

While

Linking Words

others are opposed to

this

Linking Words

and say that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

young

people

Use synonyms

should learn as much as academic work,

also

Linking Words

physical

education

Use synonyms

and

cookery

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will

dicusse

Correct your spelling

discuss

both views and in the conclusion, I will

clarly

Correct your spelling

clearly

state my position on

this

Linking Words

issue. On the one hand, a category of

people

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think

Change the verb form

thinks

show examples

, why is essential to study physical

education

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and

cookery

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scholl

Correct your spelling

school

. Those

children

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or young

people

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who are impacted

from

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show examples

the

people

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to learn only academic knowledge, someone maybe

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does

show examples

not want to learn all about it and devote their time and their life

different

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to different

show examples

subjects

Use synonyms

Linking Words

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

their interests are not extended, only learning

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apply

show examples

academic

subjects

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. Because some of them have got hidden

talant

Correct your spelling

talent

in to

Join the words

into

show examples

the music or in

cookery

Use synonyms

. Those

people

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are preparing their

children

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for only academic advancements.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, a category of

people

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are

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show examples

ready to make the

subjects

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introducation

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introduction

for their

children

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or young

people

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to show them in what areas must be

extansion

Correct your spelling

extension

after learning

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

subjects

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profesions

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professions

This

Linking Words

is some kind of

advantgouse

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advantageous

for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young

people

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to detect

theirself

Correct your spelling

themselves

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

business.

Furthermore

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

kind of

people

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believe

this

Linking Words

is more freedom for young

people

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Therefore

Linking Words

, they think, it must not be removed. In conclusion, I think

for

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apply

show examples

young

people

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must be given time to find out

wich

Correct your spelling

which

show examples

way they like and

they

Correct pronoun usage

what they

show examples

take in the future. I do not think

such

Linking Words

cookery

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or physical

education

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should be removed from the school.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I fully disagree

that

Change preposition

with that

show examples

Also

Linking Words

, I think if the

scholl

Correct your spelling

school

is not able to give more outside knowledge of

academic

Fix the agreement mistake

academics

show examples

. The

people

Use synonyms

should do it.

gio.gvinashvili.100Mon Mar 17 2025

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grammar

There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that affect clarity. For example, 'it is worst when young people study' should be corrected to 'it is worse for young people to study'. Consider restructuring sentences for improved grammar and flow.

content development

Some ideas are not clearly developed or supported with examples. For instance, you mention 'hidden talent in music or in cookery' but do not elaborate on how this affects academic performance. Providing specific examples and elaboration on your points will strengthen your argument.

coherence

Your paragraphs could be clearer with topic sentences that summarize the main point of each. Make sure to start each paragraph with a clear idea that supports your argument.

clarity

Make sure your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. Instead of stating 'I think for young people must be given time...', consider rephrasing it to 'I believe that young people should be given time to explore their interests'.

argument structure

You present a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which is commendable. This approach shows that you understand the complexity of the issue.

engagement

Your intention to discuss both perspectives is clear, indicating a thoughtful engagement with the topic, which is essential in IELTS essays.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

313 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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