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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care their children in the evening in 2022. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care their children in the evening in 2022. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar graph displays the proportion of how
fathers
Use synonyms
,
mothers
Use synonyms
, and
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 together in a specific nation spent
time
Use synonyms
 taking care of their minors
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 dressing,
homework
Add a missing verb
doing homework
show examples
, playing games, and preparing for bed in the evening in 2022.
Overall
Linking Words
,
fathers
Use synonyms
 alone had the lowest rate of spending
time
Use synonyms
 with children.
Both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 together prepared for bed and
playing
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
 games more than doing other activities,
while
Linking Words
mothers
Use synonyms
 spent more
time
Use synonyms
 alone
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dressing and
homework
Add a missing verb
doing homework
show examples
. Compared to other tasks,
mothers
Use synonyms
 used to dress children, which was the highest gap, at around 75% compared to almost 1% for
fathers
Use synonyms
 alone, up 20% together.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, for homework,
mothers
Use synonyms
 allocated 50% of their
time
Use synonyms
 to help minors,
while
Linking Words
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 helped at under 40, 10% for
fathers
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the highest rate for
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 doing things together was playing games with their children at 70%.
However
Linking Words
, the
close
Correct word choice
closest
show examples
 percentage between
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 categories was in preparing for bed by nearly 8%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words fathers, mothers, both, parents, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • Percentage
  • Parents
  • Spent time
  • Taking care
  • Children
  • Evening
  • 2022
  • Summarise
  • Information
  • Main features
  • Comparisons
  • Relevant
  • Patterns
  • Trends
  • Highest
  • Lowest
  • Activities
  • Gender
  • Conclusion
  • Findings
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