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Writing Samples
Band 5

Directors large organisations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people think it is necessary, but others believe that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Some people believe that directors of large corporations should have higher
salaries
Use synonyms
 than those who are working under them.
According to
Linking Words
 me, the
salaries
Use synonyms
 of these individuals solely depend on the responsibilities that they are held accountable for. The administrative positions
such
Linking Words
 as CEO, CTO and Founders have higher monetary gains as they have the responsibility to make decisions
while
Linking Words
 maintaining healthy relationships with company stakeholders.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, they are mainly aware of their brilliance, experience and their market timing.
For instance
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, Jack Ma is the CEO of SoftBank and he was able to predict the boom in e-commerce
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and was able to become an investor of Alibaba at the right time
as a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, he has helped SoftBank to multiply their investment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, ordinary employees are the most hard-working individuals and
according to
Linking Words
 them, they are not being paid for the work. Without these workers, the CEO of Apple, Steve Jobs would never have been able to bring his idea of a music player into existence yet those are the ones to receive low income. In conclusion, both perspectives have their own merits;
nonetheless
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, I strongly believe that those
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 better positions must have better
salaries
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 as they help companies to earn profit and move
further
Linking Words
whereas
Linking Words
 these normal employees are required to bring their vision into existence.
Moreover
Linking Words
, employees have skills that are replaceable
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the vision of those individuals is what makes them achieve greater
salaries
Use synonyms
 than others.

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task achievement
Consider expanding the introduction to provide a clearer overview of both sides of the argument, and state your opinion more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
The transitions between points could be improved for better flow. Use linking words to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
In the conclusion, reinforce your opinion more strongly and summarize the key points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your points, particularly with references to well-known figures like Jack Ma and Steve Jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Your arguments are generally logical and you maintain a clear focus throughout, which helps in showing your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • organizational hierarchy
  • strategic planning
  • risk management
  • salary disparity
  • executive compensation
  • income inequality
  • employee morale
  • corporate governance
  • fiscal responsibility
  • salary redistribution
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