IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programme's (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree?

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Nowadays,
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 are
so
Rephrase
too
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 lazy to go outside and play in the field.
This
Linking Words
 is because of mobile culture which made them
to
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apply
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stick in a place.Some people
beleives
Correct your spelling
believes
believe
 that,schools should have charity programs as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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mandatory for improving
Add an article
the neighborhood
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neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
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. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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i
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I
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am agree
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agree
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 with
this
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 statement,
where
Correct word choice
that
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childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 can learn discipline with
this
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 program.
Firstly
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, unpaid community program plays a vital role in our daily part of our lives.
Due to
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 free training cost and less investment for the parents who likely to send
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 kids for private coaching classes. One of the most important
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
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 that schools can take
initiatives
Fix the agreement mistake
initiative
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 by correlating
this
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 service at least a week for each
classes
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class
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.
addtionally
Correct your spelling
additionally
 teaching from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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grade 1.
Moreover
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, youngsters
has
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have
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 an opportunity to take advantage of
this
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 development
especially
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, especially
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for
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apply
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the
unwhealthy
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unhealthy
 youths who
likely
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are likely
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 to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
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with
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apply
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free of cost.
Furthermore
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, educational institutions should make awareness by publishing with the help of social media or else by rallying around the school.
For example
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,
in
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apply
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foreign countries like
USA
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the USA
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,Canada, and other
other
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apply
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european
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European
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 countries
has
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have
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 adopted
this
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 culture and regulated
as
Correct pronoun usage
it as
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 compulsory, where each and every
students
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student
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 should be enrolled in any kind of activity which will
enlightened
Change the verb form
enlighten
show examples
 their skills and goals. To commence with, people
engourages
Correct your spelling
encourages
encourage
 schools to adopt community service
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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 which
be
Verb problem
have
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 a high impact
for
Change preposition
on
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 the students.
However
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,
this
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 will
showcast
Correct your spelling
showcase
 their skills and
also
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 it will benefit
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them who
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have money to spend on
sport
Add an article
the sport
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.
Conversly
Correct your spelling
Conversely
,
to begin
Linking Words
from
Change preposition
with
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 small kids, or else creating
a
Change the article
an
show examples
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 by conducting rallies.
this
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 will be a key potential factor to bring the service to the academies.

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task achievement
The introduction should clearly outline your main argument and briefly state the importance of community service. Consider rephrasing for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that relates to your main argument. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide more context and detail. This will help substantiate your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and typos (for example, 'childrens' should be 'children', 'beleives' should be 'believes', etc.). This will enhance the professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
Avoid vague phrases and make sure that all points are clearly defined. This will help clarify your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
You've made a strong case for the benefits of community service programs in schools, which is a relevant perspective on the topic.
task achievement
The connection between community service and improving discipline is an interesting point that could be expanded further.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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