IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress at work. They should only care about the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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some Employers
Correct your spelling
Some employers
show examples
 make restrictions on the
appearance
Use synonyms
 of their
employees
Use synonyms
. The question is
managers
Correct word choice
whether managers
show examples
 should care about their
employees
Use synonyms
' dress. I do not agree completely because they ought to care about the quality of their
work
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to introduce more details about
this
Linking Words
 topic and give my opinion clearly.
To begin
Linking Words
 with. The
employees
Use synonyms
 have the freedom to wear
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
.
in other words
Linking Words
, They want to wear fashionable clothes at
work
Use synonyms
 Because They might want to get a partner there,
Therefore
Linking Words
, They would like to have
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a nice
appearance
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, My brother found love in his job
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 He was looking for a beautiful girl who wore
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fashionable clothes. Their relationship is wonderful now.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
dealing
Rephrase
when dealing
show examples
 with other employers or
employees
Use synonyms
 when they are wearing a wonderful dress, It will be easier to get what you want.
For instance
Linking Words
, My cousin always wears suitable clothes and he is now the CEO of one of the biggest companies in Canada.
On the other hand
Linking Words
. The employers do not want their workers to focus on other things. In terms of The manager
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to receive the best from their worker,
Hence
Linking Words
, They do not want them to
be focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on things rather than
work
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, POO company is the best in my hometown,
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Their
employees
Use synonyms
 are better than other companies because the managers in
this
Linking Words
 company care about their worker dress. In conclusion, I would argue that
employees
Use synonyms
 should not pay attention to the
appearance
Use synonyms
 of their
employees
Use synonyms
. There
two
Add a missing verb
are two
show examples
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay,
However
Linking Words
, The first side which
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
Use synonyms
employees
Change noun form
employees'
employee's
show examples
appearance
Use synonyms
 is right.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer about your stance. Make sure to state whether you agree or disagree more distinctly.
coherence
Ensure that you start each paragraph with clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments. This will improve coherence.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed explanations for your examples to make your points clearer and more persuasive.
task achievement
You provide personal examples which can help engage the reader and support your points.
coherence
You attempt to present both sides of the argument, which shows critical thinking and awareness of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Dress code
  • Professional appearance
  • Corporate culture
  • Freedom of expression
  • Productivity
  • Discrimination
  • Inclusivity
  • Diversity
  • Industry standards
  • Safety regulations
  • Employee morale
  • Job satisfaction
  • Attire
  • Corporate identity
  • Gender identity
  • Cultural sensitivity
  • Workplace norms
  • Employee well-being
  • Business etiquette
  • Professional conduct
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