IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Advantages and disadvantages yhat retired people want to move abroad

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many retired
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 are choosing to move abroad. I believe that
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation abroad moving decision
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will prevent them from
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
show examples
 of loneliness.
Insteadw
Correct your spelling
Instead
Instead we
 of sitting at home retired population
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 choosing other countries with better climates since warmer climates can be beneficial for their health , and another country's hospitality can be better than their country’s medicine . Some generations have enough money for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
. They like to experience new cultures ,
languages
Correct word choice
and languages
show examples
 as well.
In addition
Linking Words
, there is less stress cheaper life and
also
Linking Words
 they can relax so it can be one of the reasons why
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 want to change to another country.
However
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
show examples
adapting to a new culture and language can cause some problems. Learning languages at
this
Linking Words
 age isn’t easy so they might have language barriers. If some retired couples
movement
Replace the word
move
show examples
 abroad, their friends won’t be able to
movement
Replace the word
move
show examples
 with them so they will be distant from their friends
Correct word choice
and
show examples
family as well.
Additionally
Linking Words
 living abroad for retired community can be difficult with health problems so they can’t deal with it in another country’s hospitals. In my opinion, it is never too late to change the place where you live to a better place if they have a job that they can work anywhere and if they have enough money, why not?

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your essay into clear paragraphs with a strong introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. For example, provide details about specific countries that attract retirees or types of activities that could help combat loneliness.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and clarity in your writing. A few errors can obscure meaning, so proofread for mistakes. For example, ensure correct word forms and use articles appropriately.
task achievement
You clearly outline both advantages and disadvantages of retired people moving abroad, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of transitional phrases shows an effort to maintain flow between ideas, which is a good practice in essay writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: