Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

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Due to

Linking Words

modern

life

Use synonyms

amenities and comfort, it's observed that obesity levels are increasing significantly among children. There is an emerging view that

schools

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should start monitoring the

dietry

Correct your spelling

dietary

and

excercising

Correct your spelling

exercising

habits of their

students

Use synonyms

. I firmly agree with

this

Linking Words

view of educational institutes playing a positive and responsible role in

this

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. Children spend a

signifcant

Correct your spelling

significant

time of their early

life

Use synonyms

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

. So, these institutes play a

signficant

Correct your spelling

significant

role in shaping their pupils'

lifestyle

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lifestyles

show examples

. Many

students

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eat

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

one or two meals in

Use synonyms

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

There

Correct pronoun usage

This

show examples

is where the school cafeterias can start adopting healthier practices. They could provide only healthier options, avoiding junk foods

such

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as sodas and burgers.

Moreover

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, they could educate the benefits of good and balanced meals, and nudge the parents as well to adopt similar culinary habits. Active monitoring of the diets would help maintain a disciplined lifestyle and cultivate

long term

Add a hyphen

long-term

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benefits, reducing the fat levels of pupils. Healthier

students

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are able to focus more and produce better results academically as well.

In addition

Linking Words

above

Correct article usage

the above

show examples

, most of the educational institutes have sports or physical education

subject

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subjects

show examples

as part of their

curricullam

Correct your spelling

curriculum

curricula

. They should encourage and motivate their learners to participate in games actively.

For instance

Linking Words

schools

Use synonyms

in my city,

regulary

Correct your spelling

regularly

, set up inter-school tournaments, which

generates

Correct subject-verb agreement

generate

show examples

a lot of interest and competitive spirit among participants leading many to join sports activities.

Moreover

Linking Words

, participation in physical games or

excercises

Correct your spelling

exercises

not only helps youngsters physically but

also

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mentally.

Schools

Use synonyms

actively monitoring it throughout the academic year will set a very good precedent for

students

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' future

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life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

To conclude

Linking Words

schools

Use synonyms

monitoring both food and physical activities is very positive and impactful for the children as it not only leads to a healthier body but

also

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focussed

Correct your spelling

focused

show examples

mind, which is a gateway to a better future adult

life

Use synonyms

sumitdua10Wed Mar 19 2025

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Language

Ensure that spelling and grammar are correct; for example, 'dietry' should be 'dietary', and 'excercising' should be 'exercising'. Small errors can disrupt clarity.

Content

Consider expanding on specific examples to strengthen your points, such as providing more details about how monitoring diets can lead to improved health.

Language

Try to vary your sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance the flow and engagement of your writing.

Content

The essay presents a clear argument in favor of schools monitoring children's diets and exercise, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Coherence

The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow the line of reasoning.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

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Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some cities have vehicle-free days when private cars, trucks, and motorcycles are banned from the city center. Public transportation like buses, taxis, and metros are advised. To what extent do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social prblems as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statements?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why this is the case? What can be done about this problem?

These days, it is becoming increasingly popular for people to live in another country for either work or their studies. While many people can find greater opportunities abroad, others may struggle to adapt. What are the advantages of living in a foreign country and what are the disadvantages?

A lot of people find it difficult to write letters and often avoid doing so altogether. Letter writing is a dying art. Do you agree with this statement?