Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

Due to

Linking Words

modern

life

Use synonyms

amenities and comfort, it's observed that obesity levels are increasing significantly among children. There is an emerging view that

schools

Use synonyms

should start monitoring the

dietry

Correct your spelling

dietary

and

excercising

Correct your spelling

exercising

habits of their

students

Use synonyms

. I firmly agree with

this

Linking Words

view of educational institutes playing a positive and responsible role in

this

Linking Words

. Children spend a

signifcant

Correct your spelling

significant

time of their early

life

Use synonyms

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

. So, these institutes play a

signficant

Correct your spelling

significant

role in shaping their pupils'

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

. Many

students

Use synonyms

eat

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

one or two meals in

Use synonyms

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

There

Correct pronoun usage

This

show examples

is where the school cafeterias can start adopting healthier practices. They could provide only healthier options, avoiding junk foods

such

Linking Words

as sodas and burgers.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they could educate the benefits of good and balanced meals, and nudge the parents as well to adopt similar culinary habits. Active monitoring of the diets would help maintain a disciplined lifestyle and cultivate

long term

Add a hyphen

long-term

show examples

benefits, reducing the fat levels of pupils. Healthier

students

Use synonyms

are able to focus more and produce better results academically as well.

In addition

Linking Words

above

Correct article usage

the above

show examples

, most of the educational institutes have sports or physical education

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

as part of their

curricullam

Correct your spelling

curriculum

curricula

. They should encourage and motivate their learners to participate in games actively.

For instance

Linking Words

schools

Use synonyms

in my city,

regulary

Correct your spelling

regularly

, set up inter-school tournaments, which

generates

Correct subject-verb agreement

generate

show examples

a lot of interest and competitive spirit among participants leading many to join sports activities.

Moreover

Linking Words

, participation in physical games or

excercises

Correct your spelling

exercises

not only helps youngsters physically but

also

Linking Words

mentally.

Schools

Use synonyms

actively monitoring it throughout the academic year will set a very good precedent for

students

Use synonyms

' future

Use synonyms

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

To conclude

Linking Words

schools

Use synonyms

monitoring both food and physical activities is very positive and impactful for the children as it not only leads to a healthier body but

also

Linking Words

focussed

Correct your spelling

focused

show examples

mind, which is a gateway to a better future adult

life

Use synonyms

sumitdua10

Mar 19, 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language

Ensure that spelling and grammar are correct; for example, 'dietry' should be 'dietary', and 'excercising' should be 'exercising'. Small errors can disrupt clarity.

Content

Consider expanding on specific examples to strengthen your points, such as providing more details about how monitoring diets can lead to improved health.

Language

Try to vary your sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance the flow and engagement of your writing.

Content

The essay presents a clear argument in favor of schools monitoring children's diets and exercise, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Coherence

The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow the line of reasoning.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Some people think that students should study in their own city. However, many students prefer to study far away from their home. Do the advantages of studying away from home outweigh the disadvantages
It is true that students are increasingly deciding to study in another city. While I understand the concerns of those who say students should be educated in their home city, I would argue that the benefits of this outweigh the drawbacks.
6.5
band
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this
It's true that teenagers who have graduated from high school should take on some activities, like working or travelling, for a year before they continue their university education. Regarding this issue, I would like to discuss how this action will provide both benefits and drawbacks for young individuals.
7.5
band
A for and against essay about the internet. Is the internet bad for young people?
It is an obvious truth that we all can easily access to the internet nowadays. Teenagers have always found social media to be extremely appealing because of its many practical applications. However, the increasing amount of time that young people spend online begs the question: what are the positive and negative consequences does this action brings?
6
band
Some people believe that all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. Do you agree or disagree?
The upbringing of children stands as a paramount duty for caregivers, necessitating a profound understanding of effective caregiving practices. Proponents advocate for the mandatory inclusion of parenting education within the societal framework to enhance parental preparedness. While conceding the potential benefits of such initiatives, I posit that compulsion may not be the most judicious approach.
6
band
In the future, all cars, buses, and tracks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. What are the advantages and disadvantages.
In the future, all cars, buses, and trucks will be driverless. This means the only people traveling in these vehicles will be passengers. There are several advantages and disadvantages to this change.

Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

Some people think that students should study in their own city. However, many students prefer to study far away from their home. Do the advantages of studying away from home outweigh the disadvantages

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

A for and against essay about the internet. Is the internet bad for young people?

Some people believe that all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. Do you agree or disagree?

In the future, all cars, buses, and tracks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. What are the advantages and disadvantages.