IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the present time, technology is advancing at a great pace. Even making payments has become easier with the discovery of credit/debit
cards
Use synonyms
 and cell
phone
Use synonyms
 apps. It is said that in the future,
cash
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would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 almost be
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
no longer used and most of the payments will be made by
phone
Use synonyms
 or
card
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 completely looks like a possibility. Having said that, some
people
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 might not be happy with the change due
problems
Change preposition
to problems
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
battery
Correct article usage
the battery
show examples
 reliability of a
phone
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 and stolen
card
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 which can be threatening
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the bank account. Henceforth I've elaborated on
this
Linking Words
 matter.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, apps and
cards
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 as payment
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 everything a lot more convenient and accessible.
People
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 don't have to worry about carrying
appropriate
Correct article usage
an appropriate
show examples
 amount of
cash
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 with them.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study conducted at a grocery store showed
at
Change preposition
that
show examples
 70% population either
pays
Change the verb form
pay
show examples
Use synonyms
card
Change preposition
by card
show examples
 or by
phone
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.
This
Linking Words
 number is significantly large.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is non-contact which is safer when we look at it from
health
Add an article
a health
show examples
 perspective.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 might not be very pleased with the change for the following reasons.
Cellphones
Correct your spelling
Cell phones
show examples
 cannot be relied upon at all times as they might die at any point.
Also
Linking Words
,
cards
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 if stolen, can pose a great threat to the entire bank account as money can be easily stolen.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of my friends lost her debit
card
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 and 2000$
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 stolen from her account.
Hence
Linking Words
 carrying some "emergency
cash
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" can be
vey
Correct your spelling
very
 beneficial. In conclusion, it can be said that
Use synonyms
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
 and apps
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 make life easier by making things more convenient and I do believe that in the future we are going to rely on them more than on
cash
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 they cannot be completely relied upon, which can be the reason behind
unhappiness
Correct article usage
the unhappiness
show examples
 of some
people
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. Having some
cash
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 can always
saves
Correct subject-verb agreement
save
show examples
 us when
phone
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 and credit/debit
cards
Use synonyms
 cannot be used.

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task achievement
Make sure your thesis statement clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. This helps guide the reader throughout your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Aim for more varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance your overall coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are detailed and directly support the main idea of each paragraph. Adding more context to examples can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a balanced view with both positive and negative aspects of cashless payments.
task achievement
The use of examples, like the statistic from the grocery store and your personal anecdote, adds credibility to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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