IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

When the time comes to commence full-time employment, individuals who have graduated from university deserve a higher salary than those who have not. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is widely believed that people with a degree should get higher
salary-
Correct your spelling
salary
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 rather than those who did not complete the university. In my opinion,
wherther
Correct your spelling
whether
 or not a person graduated from college,
job
Use synonyms
 salary should be determined in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
experience
Use synonyms
,
skills
Use synonyms
, and competency.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
dicuess thses
Correct your spelling
discuss these
 two
belives
Correct your spelling
beliefs
show examples
. On one hand, college graduates spend most of their time studying
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the industry that they work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 will equip them with
Correct article usage
the neccessary
show examples
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
skills
Use synonyms
 and knowledge which will make them 10 times better than those who do not have a degree.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is not always the case. Why? because some individuals even if they know the essential
skills
Use synonyms
 and knowledge to do the
job
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
soft
skills
Use synonyms
, which
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 on how long they have been working in the field.
For example
Linking Words
, Manar graduated from
Correct article usage
a sophiticated
show examples
sophiticated
Correct your spelling
sophisticated
 university with first of
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
, yet she did not have
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
 nor
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 soft
skills
Use synonyms
 needed
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
job
Use synonyms
. She got
umployed
Correct your spelling
employed
unemployed
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 months
aafter
Correct your spelling
after
 her graduation in
high-paying
Add an article
a high-paying
show examples
job
Use synonyms
. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Manar has a solid background, she could not do her
job
Use synonyms
 as it should
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of
experience
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it will not be fair if an individual
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 rejected to take a high-salary
job
Use synonyms
, just because they did not get graduated from a college.
For example
Linking Words
, Ahmed has years of
experience
Use synonyms
,
knowledge
Correct word choice
and knowledge
show examples
 and
qualified
Add a missing verb
is qualified
show examples
 enough to take
high-paying
Add an article
the high-paying
a high-paying
show examples
job
Use synonyms
. Yet, he got accepted to work in
well-known
Add an article
a well-known
show examples
 company and he got highly paid in an hour. Ahmed did much better than those with
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 he has the fit perfectly the
job
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, graduate or non-graduate individuals should have equal
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 when it comes to getting high-paying
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, and
emplyee
Correct your spelling
employee
employees
 should take into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consideration how many years they spent in the industry, their soft
skills
Use synonyms
, and
overall
Linking Words
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
In your introduction, clarify your position more directly to strengthen your argument. You can state clearly if you mostly agree or disagree and summarize your reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the use of connecting phrases and transitions to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs, which will improve coherence.
task achievement
Rephrase or correct minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity, such as 'higher salary-job' which is awkwardly phrased and the misuse of 'wherther.'
task achievement
The essay presents a relevant and clear argument against the notion that graduates should always earn more than non-graduates.
task achievement
Concrete examples like Manar and Ahmed effectively demonstrate your points and add depth to your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: