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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the main reasons why students chose a particular university in the UK, in 1997 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the main reasons why students chose a particular university in the UK, in 1997 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart provides us
information
Change preposition
with information
show examples
 about the main
reason
Use synonyms
 why people in the UK chose a particular university in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1997 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, as we can see that, the
significats
Correct your spelling
significant
reason
Use synonyms
 was suitable degree courses both of the
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 reached 35% and 37% respectively in 1997 and 2007. Turning to the first chart, we can observe that the most
reason
Use synonyms
 was suitable degree course peaked at 35%.
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by
quality
Use synonyms
 of
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 at 21%. and
then
Linking Words
, good sport/social activities and
quality
Use synonyms
 of teaching
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 19% and 15%. and the
last
Linking Words
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reason
Use synonyms
 was proximity to parental
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 about 10%. Taking a closer look
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the second pie chart,
experinced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 the same popular
reason
Use synonyms
 which is the highest portion in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2007 was suitable degree courses.
secondly
Linking Words
, proximity to parental home
taken
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 part in second highest about 22 %. and
then
Linking Words
 the similarity
percentage
Change the noun form
percentages
show examples
 were
quality
Use synonyms
 of
teachind
Correct your spelling
teaching
 and
quality
Use synonyms
 of
resourse
Correct your spelling
resource
resources
 reached 18% and 17%.
Finally
Linking Words
, good sports / social activities witnessed the lower portion just 6%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words reason, quality with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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