IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is
extremely
Add an article
an extremely
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 fabulous idea for all the nations to adopt military
service
Use synonyms
 as a mandatory for all the
youngstars
Correct your spelling
youngsters
young stars
 after leave school. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Especially for
youths
Add a comma
youths,
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 it is
golden
Add an article
a golden
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 opportunity to acquire new skills, gain teamwork experience as well to maintain good discipline.
Firstly
Linking Words
, The highly useful concept for students to get training for force after high-school education
considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
show examples
 as a positive approach by the country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, They can get teamwork knowledge by working with
group
Add an article
a group
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 of members to achieve the task given by high authority persons.
For instance
Linking Words
, Each and
everybody
Correct your spelling
every
show examples
discussed
Replace the word
discussion
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 in the group sessions about achieving the task in a better way and
this
Linking Words
 is the reason they can get more confidence and equality.
Consequently
Linking Words
, Adopting compulsory
miltary
Correct your spelling
military
service
Use synonyms
 is
an
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a
show examples
 benefit
such
Linking Words
 as
peaceful
Replace the word
peace
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 which is most significant for
students
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students'
student's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 rather than involving
on
Change preposition
in
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 war or some outside
voilence
Correct your spelling
violent
 activities,
this
Linking Words
 can be avoidable by keeping their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 in a peacefullness manner.
For example
Linking Words
, In recent
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
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 most of the young generation are rude to overcome
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 negative attitude best path is to encourage them to join
this
Linking Words
sevice
Correct your spelling
service
. If they love
this
Linking Words
 system
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 that person will be more disciplined in their entire life journey.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, Main
disagree
Correct subject-verb agreement
disagrees
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the concept
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 teenagers
not
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are not
show examples
 willing to apply to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
military
service
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other fields. For illustration, In recent days lots of
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 focused on the technology side because of the modernisation of
world
Add an article
the world
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. Technology plays a major role in the universe. So forcefully no one can push them to do
particular
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a particular
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 task.
Overall
Linking Words
, In my
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 all countries Should implement
this
Linking Words
 idea for
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 system. Especially, For
women's
Change noun form
women
show examples
 who
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
show examples
 to
invlove
Correct your spelling
participate
 in military
service
Use synonyms
 after
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
school they will utilize
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 a greater manner because
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 have
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
will-power
Correct your spelling
willpower
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 to achieve anything for the country.
Governement
Correct your spelling
Government
 should do
complusary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 for all the young
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 after leaving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school life.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be more engaging by paraphrasing the statement more clearly and stating your main points directly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs have a clear topic sentence and a logical flow of ideas. Transition words may help improve clarity.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples and explanations to support your points. Some points feel underdeveloped.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical mistakes and spelling errors, as these can distract from your argument.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion stated in your introduction, which is good for task achievement.
task achievement
You present some valuable points about teamwork and personal development in the military.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
What to do next:
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