IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The media is increasing interest in famous people who have ordinary backgrounds. Why do you think people are interested in the lives of famous people? Do you think this is a good thing?

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Nowadays individuals are much more interested in celebrities' lives as technology has evolved and
media
Use synonyms
 is available
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
fingertips
Correct pronoun usage
their fingertips
show examples
 because everyone wants to know how great people are made by ordinary background, I completely support the argument as an advantageous thing as one can learn from them to lead a successful life.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
media
Use synonyms
 is the source of communication from day to day life as people show much
interest
Use synonyms
 in famous personalities' lives to learn from them or to be motivated
such
Linking Words
 as what they do what they eat, and how they manage their time to achieve their goals.
Thus
Linking Words
 news articles and vlogs are so famous as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 as the public pulse.
For example
Linking Words
, a person like me wants to have a
discipline
Change the verb form
disciplined
show examples
 life to go ahead in my career referring them
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
media
Use synonyms
 makes me enthusiastic.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
media
Use synonyms
 is making money too as it has become a major source of income.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, youngsters are more impacted by
this
Linking Words
 trend as they have access to sources to watch or read articles and imagine themselves like their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 celebrities by seeking inspiration and motivation,
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 useful as escapism from routine stressful lives which gives entertainment.
For instance
Linking Words
, busy person who works the whole day
watch
Change the verb form
watches
show examples
 their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 TV show which is a great source of entertainment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
media
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 shaping the public
interest
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, One should have their own
interest
Use synonyms
 in the form of entertainment which is available through
media
Use synonyms
 as more
interest
Use synonyms
 in celebrities.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to provide a clearer structure to your essay by using more distinct paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea that supports your main thesis.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly express your main points and provide comprehensive explanations for them. This can involve expanding on your ideas and ensuring that they are fully developed and explained in the context of the question.
task achievement
Use more specific and varied examples to support your points. This can include more detailed references to celebrities, their backgrounds, or specific studies regarding public interest in them, which can help strengthen your arguments further.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and provide relevant points discussing why people are interested in celebrities.
task achievement
Your use of examples is relevant and gives a personal touch to your arguments, which makes them relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • celebrity
  • ordinary backgrounds
  • interest
  • curiosity
  • fascination
  • escapism
  • entertainment
  • inspiration
  • motivation
  • identification
  • relatability
  • social comparison
  • envy
  • public interest
  • negative effects
  • excessive focus
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