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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary institutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995.

The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary institutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995.
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The bar chart above
defins
Correct your spelling
defines
 information about the
males
Change noun form
male's
males'
show examples
 and
females
Change noun form
females'
female's
show examples
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
differente
Correct your spelling
different
 majors, back in 1995. Starting with
Art
Correct article usage
the Art
show examples
 & Humanities field, most females take
this
Linking Words
 major, with more than 17% of them,
also
Linking Words
 male
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to like it to more than 12% of them
Use synonyms
choice
Replace the word
chose
show examples
 it.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, Health is the second
choice
Use synonyms
 for
frmales
Correct your spelling
females
 as it
apper
Correct your spelling
appears
appear
 in the bar chart with 15%,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the other hand
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 have the lowest percentage in the field, less than 5%
Use synonyms
choice
Replace the word
chose
show examples
 it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Engineering
apper
Correct your spelling
appears
 to be more popular with
male
Add an article
the male
show examples
 group, most of them
Use synonyms
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
 it
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than 17%, but in
female
Add an article
the female
a female
show examples
 group the seems that they don't
favorite
Verb problem
like it
show examples
 the
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the lowest percentage in
this
Linking Words
 major less than 3%.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 share
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
Correct your spelling
interest
intreast
Correct your spelling
interest
 in one field which it was Art & Humanities with more than 12% in males and above than 17% for females group, but in Health and Engineering they have
Correct your spelling
different
differente
Correct your spelling
different
 views

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words choice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tertiary institutions
  • enrolment
  • engineering
  • information technology
  • nursing
  • gender roles
  • societal expectations
  • suitability
  • caregiving roles
  • job market
  • business studies
  • gender distribution
  • gender inclusion policies
  • workplace diversity
  • gender stereotypes
  • historical trends
  • percentages
  • subjects
  • gender imbalance
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