IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not others. Some people, therefore, think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevent subjects should not receive the government funding Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantage

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Nowadays, people argue that teaching for higher education should be under the responsibility of the government
due to
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 the need of certain departments,
whereas
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, pupils who want to study other subjects and are not needed in
society
Use synonyms
 should pay the fees and not take help from the government.
Therefore
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,
this
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 essay will discuss the merits and demerits of
this
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 subject. On one hand, there are a variety of pros that may be included in
this
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 topic.
Firstly
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, the government will help
society
Use synonyms
 by choosing some major subject and having specific fields that may help the student after their graduation to find a job
fastly
Rephrase
fast
show examples
 rather than staying home or leading them to have suspicious work because they can not find a job and have a good salary.
Secondly
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, they encourage students to not detect unnecessary subjects and not help
society
Use synonyms
 by any side.
On the other hand
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, indeed there are many bad aspects to
this
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 decision which may lead to a decrease the interest in getting a
Bachelor
Change noun form
Bachelor's
show examples
 degree. One of the major drawbacks is not all students have the same ability to do the same.
For example
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, if
society
Use synonyms
 needs 50% for a doctor major , not all the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can be a doctor and have the
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
 and the passion, on
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
 they do not qualify for some majors.
Moreover
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, not all people have a good budget to teach their children or to take
this
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 responsibility.
Last
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 but not least, people always think about developing their
society
Use synonyms
 by their pipuls but they need to think
also
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 about their ability and qualifications.

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Task Achievement
The introduction could be clearer and more engaging. Try to provide a brief overview of your main points to guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are more structured. The arguments should be clearly distinguished and logically ordered.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your arguments, as this will strengthen your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve the clarity of your writing; this will also enhance your coherence.
Task Achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion attempts to summarize the discussion, which is a good practice in essay writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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