IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows China's population by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2050 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant

The graph below shows China's population by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2050 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The presented line chart represents the percentage of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 grouped by age from 1960 in China, consisting
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
prediction until 2050. In the big picture, it is conspicuous that all categories had a different tendency, including an upward trend for
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 aged more than 15 and a downward trend for the young generation. Focussing on the youngsters,
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the observed years,
this
Linking Words
 age group had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant rate compared to others.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in the following years, the report
deliniated
Correct your spelling
delineated
 that
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 statistics experienced a dramatic decline between 1960 to 2050, starting from the highest point at just above 35% in 1960 and plummeting to the bottom at 17.5% in 2050. Turning to the remained groups, between 1960 and 2010, the elderly remained stable at just far below 17.5%,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 number skyrocketed and reached a peak in 2050.
Likewise
Linking Words
, a 15-64 group exhibited a significant jump by 50% in 50 years
from1960
Correct your spelling
from 1960
although
Linking Words
 it plunged to the lowest point at around 52.5%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: