IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, young people are choosing to live alone rather than with their families. Why is this? What problems does it cause?

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In recent years, young
people
Use synonyms
 have tended to live alone
instead
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 of living with their families.
This
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 is primarily derived from independence,
while
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 it can lead to financial pressure and homesickness. It is vital to understand that young individuals choose to live independently and do not rely on their
parents
Use synonyms
. Simply put, young who want to live alone normally without
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 finances from their
parents
Use synonyms
 and their care; especially,
also
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 have not to be managed by their
parents
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, they will be free and do everything they want without concern about criticism from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
However
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, if young
people
Use synonyms
 live lonely, they will have financial pressure.
in other words
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, by paying some fees
such
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 as house rent and cost of living, they will be pressed by these
as well as
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 being nervous about these problems which they have not tried before.
For instance
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, after beginning to live alone, young must pay logically for their purpose if they do not want to run out of money.
Hence
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, they create saving habits and know expenses rightly and realistically.
On the other hand
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, living alone can lead to homesickness for young.
That is
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 to say, when living
further
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 from families, young
people
Use synonyms
 will be homesick
due to
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 a lack of love and care from
parents
Use synonyms
 who spend almost time with their children,
thus
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 they feel empty when go back home and stay lonely.
Consequently
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, young
people
Use synonyms
 are not used to
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 far away
families
Change preposition
from families
show examples
 not only makes them distracted in working but
also
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 feel tired and unmotivated in life. In conclusion,
although
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 living alone makes young more independent in life, it can result in financial pressure and homesickness.

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structure
The introduction could be clearer by explicitly stating the two main reasons for young people choosing to live alone. Additionally, the conclusion should restate the main points more clearly.
clarity
Some sentences lack clarity and contain grammatical errors. Try to use simpler sentence structures to enhance understanding. For example, the sentence 'young who want to live alone normally without supporting finances from their parents' could be rephrased for clarity.
examples
While examples are provided, they could be more specific to strengthen the arguments. Providing a concrete example of how someone managed financial pressure would enhance the overall argument.
content
You present a clear topic and relevant arguments related to young people's desire for independence and the challenges that arise.
structure
The use of contrasting ideas (independence vs. problems) is effective in developing your essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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