IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the labour world, some
people
Use synonyms
 have an opinion about
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 of work level. They think that directors and managers of organisations should be older
people
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I would like to
expian
Correct your spelling
explain
expand
 that senior level should be older
people
Use synonyms
instand
Correct your spelling
instead
 of younger
people
Use synonyms
 to be leaders.
Firstly
Linking Words
, The number of
worker
Change to a plural noun
workers
show examples
 should have many
experience
Use synonyms
 for performance. They have critical thinking for solving. If they have many
experience
Use synonyms
, they know how to manage
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
, younger
people
Use synonyms
 have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 managing. they should know how to solve any issue.
The
Correct article usage
Experience
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
 is so important for working, It can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 to help
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 when they
encourge
Correct your spelling
encounter
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 in
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
.
Second,
Linking Words
education is
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 enough for work. Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fresh
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 should
lean
Correct your spelling
learn
show examples
 about real labour work because some of
details
Add an article
the details
show examples
 in the careers
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not
teach
Change the form of the verb
taught
show examples
 in class.
Thay
Correct your spelling
They
show examples
 must
leaning
Verb problem
learn
show examples
 by doing.
Moreover
Linking Words
, younger
people
Use synonyms
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not
maturity
Correct article usage
the maturity
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 control employees.
For example
Linking Words
, when directors and managers of organisations are younger, some of
lower-level
Correct article usage
the lower-level
show examples
 disrespectful his
order
Fix the agreement mistake
orders
show examples
 because they feel uncomfortable, and do not ensure
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
order
Fix the agreement mistake
orders
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 correctly
answer
Wrong verb form
answered
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, I strongly agree that directors and managers of organisations should be older
people
Use synonyms
. they have
experience
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 performance, and they get respectful senior level
brcause
Correct your spelling
because
 they have a maturity of position.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical errors. For example, 'expian' should be 'explain' and 'sthand' should be 'instead'. These small mistakes can distract the reader.
content
Develop your main points further with clearer examples and explanations. For instance, you mention 'experience is so important for working', but you should elaborate on how that experience translates into effective leadership.
coherence
Pay attention to sentence structure and clarity. Some sentences are a bit awkward, like 'they should know how to solve any issue.' Consider rephrasing for better clarity, such as 'younger individuals may not know how to address issues effectively.'
structure
Enhance your introduction and conclusion. Try to clearly state your position in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion to provide a stronger framework for your argument.
content
You have a clear opinion throughout the essay that reflects a well-defined stance on the topic.
content
You touch upon important points regarding experience and maturity when discussing leadership, which demonstrates a good understanding of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Wealth of experience
  • Historical knowledge
  • Fresh perspectives
  • Innovative ideas
  • Adaptability
  • Technological advancements
  • Team cohesion
  • Morale
  • Calculated risks
  • Significant advancements
  • Mentorship
  • Transfer of knowledge
  • Energy and drive
  • Refined decision-making skills
  • Younger workforce
  • Leadership development
  • Organizational dynamics
  • Risk-taking mindset
  • Change management
  • Intergenerational collaboration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: