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Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should examine my answer Please write in English language.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should examine my answer Please write in English language.
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The chart illustrates a
comparsion
Correct your spelling
comparison
 between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in percentages aged 60-64 in terms of employment in four countries,
Australia
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 and
Japan
Use synonyms
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Linking Words
lastly
Correct word choice
and lastly
show examples
Use synonyms
Beigium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
. in
era
Add an article
the era
show examples
 between 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be noticed that
Japan
Use synonyms
 has the highest number of
emplyee
Correct your spelling
employees
employee
 in both genders,
on the other hand
Linking Words
 for
Use synonyms
Beigium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
 it shows that they do not have a high percentage of
women
Use synonyms
employment
Replace the word
employed
show examples
 in the whole era. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
 who are working in their final ages reached 84% in 1970 but
then
Linking Words
 it reduced a bit in 2000 to 76%, unlike
Beigium
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
their workers
men
Use synonyms
 in age
60s
Correct your spelling
60
 decreased sharply from 79% to 19% in 30 years,
similarly
Linking Words
 for
Australia
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 where the percentage went down to 47% from 74%. For
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 it can be seen that
women
Use synonyms
 who are working after getting 60 didn't change a lot where the percentage slightly raised from 36% to 38%. To summarize the whole chart it can be said that
Use synonyms
Japan
Change preposition
in Japan
show examples
 and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 have not
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed in final ages employment, but
on the other hand
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in Beigium
show examples
Beigium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
their
Change the word
the
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 who are working lately
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their ages reduced compared to
women
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, australia, japan, beigium with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
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