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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think having a university degree is the best way to secure a good job. However, others believe skills and experience are more important. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Many people are discussing whether it is more important to have a university
degree
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 or to have
skills
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 and
experience
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 to secure a good
job
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. In
this
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 essay, I am going to argue both sides and give my personal opinion. On the one hand, there are many jobs in which it is required to have completed a specific
degree
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.
For example
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, it is very improbable that a Hospital hires someone who does not have a
medicine
Replace the word
medical
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degree
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 or that has not studied something related to that field.
Nevertheless
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, it is
also
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 true that having a diploma does not secure a
job
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. Nowadays, there are many people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are having difficulties finding work as there is more demand than supply.
On the other hand
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, having
skills
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 and
experience
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 can always be useful.
For instance
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, if my grandmother had not had writing
skills
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 and
experience
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 in interviewing people she would not have been hired as a journalist for a news agency.
And actually
Correct word choice
Actually
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, many journalists a few decades ago did not have completed degrees as the study itself did not exist.
In addition
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, in jobs
such
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 as a politician, writer or actor there is not always a requisite to have studied something.
However
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,
although
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 it is true that for many works there is no need to have an academic background it is very probable that in a big
majority
Add a comma
majority,
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 it is required to have one
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because it works as
tool
Add an article
a tool
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 which can check how much
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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you know about the knowledge
require
Change the form of the verb
required
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 to the
job
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.
Therefore
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, after analysing both points of view I have concluded that neither having a
degree
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or
Correct word choice
nor
show examples
skills
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 and
experience
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 will ensure that someone will have a secure
job
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.
Nevertheless
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, both arguments combined will increase the chances of obtaining one.

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introduction
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and provides a concise overview of your argument, which is great. However, it could be enhanced by explicitly stating your opinion in a clear thesis statement.
example
You provided a range of examples to illustrate your points, such as the necessity of a medical degree and your grandmother's experience, which adds depth to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • competitive advantage
  • in-depth knowledge
  • theoretical understanding
  • networking opportunities
  • prerequisite
  • professions
  • practical, hands-on knowledge
  • perform tasks efficiently and effectively
  • actual ability
  • deliver results
  • problem-solving
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • real-world settings
  • blend of both education and practical experience
  • theoretical concepts
  • ideal scenario
  • bolstered by practical application
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