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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart provides information about the level of female unemployment in four parts of the United Kingdom between the years of 2013 to 2014

The bar chart provides information about the level of female unemployment in four parts of the United Kingdom between the years of 2013 to 2014
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The data provides key information about the level of unemployment
Change preposition
among female
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female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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acrross
Correct your spelling
across
 the four
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the
UK
Use synonyms
 from 2013 to 2014 .
overall
Linking Words
, it's clear from the graph that there is a
diffrent
Correct your spelling
difference
different
 between the amount of
female's
Change noun form
females
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being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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unemployment in the
UK
Use synonyms
 between 2013 and 2014 . In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
,
Woman's
Change noun form
Women
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 in 2014 had a
biger
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bigger
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 number of
worker's
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workers
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 in the
UK
Use synonyms
 .
Whereas
Linking Words
 , Woman's in 2013 had the lowest number .
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown , In 2013 England
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 at the top of the list with the highest amount of
unempolyment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
Change preposition
for female's
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female's
Change noun form
females
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 with 6.8 per cent . Followed by Northern Ireland with 5.6
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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. Wales is placed at the third place
at
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on
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 the list with 5.4 per cent of unemployment female in 2013 in the
UK
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. in terms of , In 2014 we can see a drop in England Northern Ireland and
wales
Capitalize word
Wales
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percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
, Scotland had an increase
of
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in
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 the level of female
unemploymen
Correct your spelling
unemployment
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "provides" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rate
  • temporal trends
  • regional variations
  • economic policies
  • industry growth/decline
  • educational opportunities
  • social implications
  • gender equality
  • workforce participation
  • family income
  • employment opportunities
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