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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given diagram illustrates the multiple processes for producing
sugar
Use synonyms
 from
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
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 to be harvested and crushed with
machines
Use synonyms
 at
first,
Linking Words
then
Linking Words
 the extracting
juice
Use synonyms
 will experience the purification, evaporation and centrifugation steps, transforming into
sugar
Use synonyms
 after drying and cooling. At
first,
Linking Words
it is necessary to let
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 grow in the farmland for a period of approximately 12 to 18 months. Once mature, it will be harvested by
machines
Use synonyms
 or farmers, and
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 will be converted into
juice
Use synonyms
 by crushing
machines
Use synonyms
. After that, the
extracting
Replace the word
extracted
show examples
juice
Use synonyms
 will
undergoes
Change the verb form
undergo
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 purification process through
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
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 filter, and the filtered ingredients will be collected into a container and evaporated by heat, which turns
Use synonyms
juice
Correct article usage
the juice
show examples
 into syrup.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the amount of syrup will be conducted
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
 centrifugation process using
machines
Use synonyms
, in order to
distill
Change the spelling
distil
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals from the syrup.
Finally
Linking Words
, the small
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals will be displayed in a container for drying and cooling.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "first, ".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cane, machines, juice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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