IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand. Give specific reasons and examples for your position.

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It is inevitable that money has become a very crucial part of human beings in
this
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 present era. Many people have a point of view that it is very important to earn big amounts of cash,
Whereas
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 others think that it is better to earn for comfortable living. In
this
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 following essay, I will discuss both views.
To begin
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 with, the first and foremost reason to earn more is a better
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. To elaborate, in
this
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 century for fulfilling the dreams family are in
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 long race to earn more than anyone else.
For example
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, every fifth student out of ten is going
to
Change preposition
apply
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abroad for higher studies. The cost of going overseas is very high.
Moreover
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, parents want to give the best
lifestyle
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 to their children so, they try to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 their all demands.
As well as
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,
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apply
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 another reason to earn more is
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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lifestyle
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. Human beings can afford expensive products and things by making more salary which gives them happiness.
On the other hand
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, some folk want to live life in a simple way. Folks want to give their all time to family members and don't want to indulge in
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
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lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, if people have to work 12-hour shifts to earn more wage and their bodies
Add a missing verb
are
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already tired it can affect their fitness.
However
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, people should give priority to health and family rather than capital. The human being can satisfy their needs with good earnings by living
the
Correct article usage
a
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 simple life. Doing physical activities
such
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 as walking, running and gym is the best option for good fettle .
To conclude
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, former the coin has two sides
Verb problem
Earning
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earing
Correct your spelling
earning
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 good money can give a happy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
Whereas
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 living
cosy
Correct article usage
a cosy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 can help to improve well-being and relationships with family

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coherence and cohesion
Focus on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader on what to expect. Consider linking your ideas with more cohesive devices to improve flow.
task achievement
Expand on your examples or provide more detailed explanations to strengthen your arguments. This will help in providing a clearer and more comprehensive response.
task achievement
You have addressed both viewpoints and provided your opinion, which shows an understanding of the task.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples related to education and lifestyle choices, which support your arguments.
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