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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph and table below give information about the percentage of graduates in Australia who worked full-time after university from 2004 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph and table below give information about the percentage of graduates in Australia who worked full-time after university from 2004 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The provided graph and table illustrate the percentage of full-time
employment
Use synonyms
 among
math
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graduates
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 and other
graduates
Use synonyms
 in Australia between 2004 and 2012.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the table presents data on the average salaries of
both
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 over the same period.
While
Linking Words
 the
employment
Use synonyms
 rate for
both
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 fluctuated over the years,
math
Use synonyms
graduates
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 consistently had a relatively stable trend,
whereas
Linking Words
 other
graduates
Use synonyms
 experienced a decline after peaking in 2006.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2006, the salaries of mathematics
graduates
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 showed an upward trend, followed by an abrupt increase in 2008. In 2004,
Use synonyms
employment
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the employment
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 rate for
math
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graduates
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 was slightly higher than that of other
graduates
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, by 2006, the percentage of other
graduates
Use synonyms
 that of
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 before
both
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 equalized in 2008.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
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, the
employment
Use synonyms
 rate for other
graduates
Use synonyms
 diminished,
whereas
Linking Words
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 maintained a more stable and long-term trend. Regarding salaries,
both
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groups
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 started at $41,000 in 2004, increasing gradually over time.
However
Linking Words
,
math
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graduates
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 experienced a steeper rise, peaking at $56,000 by 2012,
while
Linking Words
 other
graduates
Use synonyms
 earned $51,000.
This
Linking Words
 suggests that
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 had better financial success despite the same initial earnings.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, math, graduates, both, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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