IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that advertising encourages unnecessary spending, while others argue that it provides useful information about new products and services. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are different views on whether advertising enhances unnecessary spending. Or, it provides important information about services and new
products
Use synonyms
. The essay will discuss both opinions and I present my own perspective. On the one hand, some customers believe that advertising is not an essential aspect
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 expenditure
products
Use synonyms
. The main reason to support
this
Linking Words
 claim is,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 quality of some goods needs experiments by the customers before buying them.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 need to know the original size , width , and length of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 goods.
For example
Linking Words
, clothes fashion need
wearing
Change the verb form
to be worn
show examples
 first and
then
Linking Words
 deciding to buy or not. So, advertisements might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not present
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
important details
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 these
products
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 case do not love advertising.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some individuals prefer
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertising when they
show
Wrong verb form
are shown
show examples
 on social media platforms. Particularly, the jewellery and brand bags commodities. To illustrate, these
products
Use synonyms
 do not need
knowing
Change the verb form
to know
show examples
 all
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
 and details about their services. The customer
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to see just the colours and sometimes they need to know the price of
theme
Add an article
the theme
show examples
. So,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online advertising offers all these criteria to the watcher effectively.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 can buy a lot of accessories from the advertising resources.
This
Linking Words
 is because, advertisements offer the time, rather than
they go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to shop, they can buy them online. In conclusion, Some
people
Use synonyms
 support the advertising idea.
However
Linking Words
, some public think that advertising gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beneficial information about
products
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree that advertisements display
an a
Choose an article
a
show examples
 crucial term in our community, they help
people
Use synonyms
 to gain many
products
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
accessible
Correct article usage
an accessible
show examples
 way.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction provides a general overview of the topic but could be more engaging. Consider including a more compelling hook. Additionally, clarify your own opinion in the introduction rather than stating it will be presented later.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader. This will improve the organization of your ideas and ensure better logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy, especially concerning plurals and articles. For example, 'the quality of some goods needs experiments by the customers' could be improved to 'the quality of some goods requires testing by customers.' This clarity will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You effectively discuss both views of advertising and present a balanced argument, which is important for this task.
task achievement
Your examples of clothing and jewellery are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: