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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.
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The chart illustrates the proportions of males and females who
succseesd
Correct your spelling
succeeded
 in their driving test in a particular Asian country from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of women who got their driving licence
,
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apply
show examples
 was higher than of the men throughout the
period
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.
Intersetingly
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Interestingly
, both
genders
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gender's
genders'
show examples
 rates recorded an incredible increase at the beginning of the 21st century. In the first
Use synonyms
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 the women's share in passing the driving test was higher than the other gender, as the former was less than fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the latter was about 28%.As the data clearly indicates, in the following
period
Use synonyms
 the female rate
also
Linking Words
 came as the highest,
moreover
Linking Words
 it rose slightly to above fifty%. Men
also
Linking Words
expernced
Correct your spelling
experienced
experience
 a
grwoth
Correct your spelling
growth
 in the same
period
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,reaching approximately 38%.
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
 the beginning of the new century, the women's bar witnessed a dramatic increase as it peaked at almost 70%. Though
,
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apply
show examples
 in the
last
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
 it fell slightly to just over 60, it outraced the other gender share.One notable aspect
,
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apply
show examples
 is the percentage of men who got their licence rose to 49,and it reported the same proportions in the
last
Linking Words
 given
period
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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