IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the amount spent on digital games in the USA and China from 2010 to 2017 and the pie chart chart shows global spending on these games in 2017

The bar chart shows the amount spent on digital games in the USA and China from 2010 to 2017 and the pie chart chart shows global spending on these games in 2017
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The given bar chart provides information about the global spending on digital
games
Use synonyms
 in the
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and China between 2010 and 2017. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can be clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Handheld
games
Use synonyms
hold
Verb problem
were
show examples
 the
top
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
most famous
games
Use synonyms
 among the people during the
Use synonyms
periode
Correct your spelling
period
,
on the contrary
Linking Words
, console
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest spending amount over the
Use synonyms
periode
Correct your spelling
period
. Taking a closer look at the
graphic
Fix the agreement mistake
graphics
show examples
, handheld
games
Use synonyms
 experienced
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 trend gradually through the year
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from 6$ in 2000 to just below 18$ in the
last
Linking Words
Use synonyms
periode
Correct your spelling
period
.
In addition
Linking Words
, both online
games
Use synonyms
 and mobile phone
games
Use synonyms
 described
improved
Correct article usage
an improved
show examples
 trend slightly over the
Use synonyms
periode
Correct your spelling
period
. In
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2000, online
games
Use synonyms
 became slowly well-known
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 in the year of 2001, even about 3$.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Mobile phone users
tend
Wrong verb form
tended
show examples
 to jump moderately
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2002 until 2006.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, console
games
Use synonyms
 showed
downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
 trend tendency, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can be seen that started from just 6$
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the year
declined
Correct word choice
and declined
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 nearly 4$.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the contrary".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words games, periode with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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